I was re-reading my last post and realized how depressing it was and how selfish it sounded. I was going to post on Sunday (30 weeks!!!!) but as usual, I've been busy. I had a sad day Saturday, I guess. I was getting angry watching these people leave the hospital with their babies like it wasn't a big deal and irritated with people who keep complaining about the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.
But the truth is, I thank God every night that I made it another day, the past couple of days I notice I even do it every hour or so. I feel so bad for complaining about being here and worrying about my babies when I see women on these momo sites wishing they had made it this far, wishing they could be at home with their other children, praying for the survival of their one remaining momo, or the worst- wishing they still had both of their babies. As my aunt said, who had my cousin at 23 weeks, "I would have hung by my feet if it meant I could get to 30 weeks".
So, growing up, my grandfather who recently passed away, would tell me whenever I was upset about something, to play "The Glad Game"- yes, the one from Pollyanna. Monday night I had to lay on my back for almost 4 hours for the heart rate strips because they thought one of the babies had a deceleration in heart rate. It was so painful, but I was afraid to move in fear that one of the boys would come off the monitor and I'd have to do it longer. I was frustrated, exhausted, irritable and a mess. And in all its cheesiness, I made myself play the Glad Game. I was glad I wasn't on bedrest, like so many of the women in the high risk unit are; I was glad my babies were still alive; I was glad I was 30 weeks; I was glad my husband was staying with me; and I was glad I didn't have any children at home- on Sunday night a child of the woman in the room next to mine cried desperately as she was leaving, "I want Mommy to come home", it was the most heartbreaking thing. And as irritated I was at the doctors and nurses that night, because they just came in and took me off the monitors like it was nothing to lay there that long at such an awkward angle; I was glad the next day when I had some sleep that they were being cautious of the situation. (My doctor was supposedly not happy about the whole thing).
It is getting more and more painful to get in these positions for the heart rate strips, and to move period. But I will continue to do what I have to do. I'm 30 weeks and 3 days today..... and I made it to February! B failed the biophysical profile again yesterday because he wouldn't breathe, but he breathed the entire time I was having the dopplers done today (everyone thinks B is going to take after me). A weighs 2lb 15oz. and B weighs 3lb 13oz. Last night they said I was having more contractions, but I didn't feel them, BUT my whole body hurt like crazy anyway, so who knows.
I'm still getting more and more nervous each day. I signed the consent forms for the C-section yesterday, so that made the whole situation really REAL. I've had tons of visitors everyday and my husband continues to be wonderful.
Showing posts with label momo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label momo. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
First Days in the Hospital
I knew I said I would write more after my first full day in the hospital, but so much has happened, and my mind is such a mess, I couldn't concentrate to do it. But first, babies are doing ok.
So Tuesday, I was woken at 6 to repeat my glucose test that the diagnostic lab had done wrong, no big deal. Around 8, I was taken to another part of the hospital to have my biophysical profile done and the dopplers. Both babies passed the biophysical profile and the doppler looked good on Baby B, but they noticed a smaller artery in the umbilical cord of Baby A, which they said they would just keep an eye on. I got back to my EMPTY room around 10. My husband had spent the night and left to go to work. It was the first time alone in the hospital. But, then the nurse came to do the 1 hour heart rate strips, and they were fine, other than my boys don't cooperate and try to squirm away from the monitors. After that, I was exhausted, so I just watched meaningless things on tv and tried to sleep. It was a long day. The nurse came back at 4 do the 1 hour strips again. My mom and some of my aunts came by later (luckily the hospital I am staying in is close to most of my relatives) to visit before going to see my grandfather at the hospice. That night, we didn't start the heart rate strips till 9, and this was my 2 hour one. Because the boys had HAD IT with the monitoring, they were going all over the place and I don't think we finished till 11:45 because we had such a hard time getting a good read on them. As frustrating as it was, they're moving, and that's a good thing. But, when my nurse came to take the strips off, she told me my glucose test came back high and I would have to do it again in the morning- at 5! Shane spent the night with me again.
So on Wednesday, I awoke at 5 to have my blood drawn from my (as I was told) "teeny, tiny veins". They had to use my left hand. I drank the stuff, tried to fall back asleep, but couldn't, and then she came back at 6. She used my left hand again, but then I formed a small hematoma on the top of my hand, and she gave me ice (which ended up leaking all over the bed). So then at 7, she used my right hand. At 8, when the shifts changed, this nurse thought she could use a vein in the side of my arm. She tied the tourniquet so tight around my upper arm, and stuck the needle in, but no blood would come out. She tried for so long, I just laid my head back and then when I looked at my arm, it was a gigantic web of blue veins. She finally gave up and went back to my right hand, and that took forever because she said the vein was ready to collapse. As soon as she finished it was time for my dopplers! Both babies' cords looked fine that day, to the point that the tech was not convinced the twins were momos, she even thought she saw the membrane. Every time I have to the dopplers done, they have to have a doctor sign off on them and come in to look at everything. This doctor thought she saw the membrane, also. But then the director came in and told them that she had seen the cords twist too much to not be momos (this was the director that confirmed they were momos back in November). Either way, we won't know till I deliver and it doesn't change anything I'm doing until then. So, 9:30, back to my room for the strips. Then, my mom called, which I knew wasn't good because she usually waits for me to call her since I have so much done in the morning. I called her back and she told me my grandfather had passed away. I was happy he was at peace, but I cried during that set of strips.
It was a rough day, but my mom came by around 3 and sat with me during the strips. She learned how to follow around the boys and hold the monitor on me. My dad stopped by later, and Shane came and spent the night again. I feel bad for him because he does so much running around. After work, he goes home and feeds the cats, takes a shower, and then comes back to the hospital just to sleep on an uncomfortable sofa bed thing. He's a trooper and I really appreciate him staying.
Good news of the day- I passed my glucose test!
Thursday I did not have to get up early. But it is hard doing the heart rate strips so late, and having to get up at 7:30 (dopplers were fine again), when my body needs more sleep. It's been hard for me to nap because I've had so many people coming in and out of my room. Thursday I had a spiritual advisor come by and a physical therapist to teach me exercises to do since I can't move around a whole lot. I am allowed to leave the unit to go other areas in the hospital, but I have no desire to- at least not yet. My mom also came by to drop off pictures and a poster board for me to make for my grandfather's viewing. It would give me something to do, and at least I would feel a part of it in some way.
So today, Friday, I had another biophysical profile which Baby A passed, and B got 6 out of 8 because he wasn't practicing breathing. All the doctors said they are not concerned because he has done it before and under 32 weeks, it can be sporadic. I'm trying not to worry about it, and if the doctors aren't worried, then I'm trying not to be. The dopplers were fine again. My mom came by and picked up the poster board I had made. It breaks my heart that I couldn't go to the viewings. They got a flower arrangement for the babies, his first great-grand children. Shane took a picture of it and sent it to me. I had 2 dear friends from high school come by after the viewing to sit with me for a little while.
Now I'm just sitting here waiting for the nurse to come in and do the strips. We'll see how they do tonight, my rambunctious, rowdy, little boys.
So Tuesday, I was woken at 6 to repeat my glucose test that the diagnostic lab had done wrong, no big deal. Around 8, I was taken to another part of the hospital to have my biophysical profile done and the dopplers. Both babies passed the biophysical profile and the doppler looked good on Baby B, but they noticed a smaller artery in the umbilical cord of Baby A, which they said they would just keep an eye on. I got back to my EMPTY room around 10. My husband had spent the night and left to go to work. It was the first time alone in the hospital. But, then the nurse came to do the 1 hour heart rate strips, and they were fine, other than my boys don't cooperate and try to squirm away from the monitors. After that, I was exhausted, so I just watched meaningless things on tv and tried to sleep. It was a long day. The nurse came back at 4 do the 1 hour strips again. My mom and some of my aunts came by later (luckily the hospital I am staying in is close to most of my relatives) to visit before going to see my grandfather at the hospice. That night, we didn't start the heart rate strips till 9, and this was my 2 hour one. Because the boys had HAD IT with the monitoring, they were going all over the place and I don't think we finished till 11:45 because we had such a hard time getting a good read on them. As frustrating as it was, they're moving, and that's a good thing. But, when my nurse came to take the strips off, she told me my glucose test came back high and I would have to do it again in the morning- at 5! Shane spent the night with me again.
So on Wednesday, I awoke at 5 to have my blood drawn from my (as I was told) "teeny, tiny veins". They had to use my left hand. I drank the stuff, tried to fall back asleep, but couldn't, and then she came back at 6. She used my left hand again, but then I formed a small hematoma on the top of my hand, and she gave me ice (which ended up leaking all over the bed). So then at 7, she used my right hand. At 8, when the shifts changed, this nurse thought she could use a vein in the side of my arm. She tied the tourniquet so tight around my upper arm, and stuck the needle in, but no blood would come out. She tried for so long, I just laid my head back and then when I looked at my arm, it was a gigantic web of blue veins. She finally gave up and went back to my right hand, and that took forever because she said the vein was ready to collapse. As soon as she finished it was time for my dopplers! Both babies' cords looked fine that day, to the point that the tech was not convinced the twins were momos, she even thought she saw the membrane. Every time I have to the dopplers done, they have to have a doctor sign off on them and come in to look at everything. This doctor thought she saw the membrane, also. But then the director came in and told them that she had seen the cords twist too much to not be momos (this was the director that confirmed they were momos back in November). Either way, we won't know till I deliver and it doesn't change anything I'm doing until then. So, 9:30, back to my room for the strips. Then, my mom called, which I knew wasn't good because she usually waits for me to call her since I have so much done in the morning. I called her back and she told me my grandfather had passed away. I was happy he was at peace, but I cried during that set of strips.
It was a rough day, but my mom came by around 3 and sat with me during the strips. She learned how to follow around the boys and hold the monitor on me. My dad stopped by later, and Shane came and spent the night again. I feel bad for him because he does so much running around. After work, he goes home and feeds the cats, takes a shower, and then comes back to the hospital just to sleep on an uncomfortable sofa bed thing. He's a trooper and I really appreciate him staying.
Good news of the day- I passed my glucose test!
Thursday I did not have to get up early. But it is hard doing the heart rate strips so late, and having to get up at 7:30 (dopplers were fine again), when my body needs more sleep. It's been hard for me to nap because I've had so many people coming in and out of my room. Thursday I had a spiritual advisor come by and a physical therapist to teach me exercises to do since I can't move around a whole lot. I am allowed to leave the unit to go other areas in the hospital, but I have no desire to- at least not yet. My mom also came by to drop off pictures and a poster board for me to make for my grandfather's viewing. It would give me something to do, and at least I would feel a part of it in some way.
So today, Friday, I had another biophysical profile which Baby A passed, and B got 6 out of 8 because he wasn't practicing breathing. All the doctors said they are not concerned because he has done it before and under 32 weeks, it can be sporadic. I'm trying not to worry about it, and if the doctors aren't worried, then I'm trying not to be. The dopplers were fine again. My mom came by and picked up the poster board I had made. It breaks my heart that I couldn't go to the viewings. They got a flower arrangement for the babies, his first great-grand children. Shane took a picture of it and sent it to me. I had 2 dear friends from high school come by after the viewing to sit with me for a little while.
Now I'm just sitting here waiting for the nurse to come in and do the strips. We'll see how they do tonight, my rambunctious, rowdy, little boys.
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