I'm posting now, before my last monitoring of the evening, in case I don't get a chance afterwards.
The monitoring has gone really well today, the boys stayed pretty still, I had to hold A down, but they stayed on the monitor. The nurse said they knew they were being evicted, so they were trying to be on their best behavior.
The dopplers also went really well.
I didn't get much sleep last night because I couldn't get comfortable. If I laid one way, I could feel A in my ribs, the other way, B was on my bladder, if I was too much on either side, I felt like my lungs were constricted and I couldn't breathe.
Shane seems really nervous. He's pacing and fidgeting. I'm nervous about how the boys are going to be. I had to answer questions and sign more forms for the C-section tomorrow, but that part of it isn't even really in my brain. I just want to get it over with and see how they are.
I know tomorrow I am going to be an emotional wreck. All these months of trying to keep myself together with all the stress and worry of it all, I think it's just going to all come out tomorrow.
I don't know what else to say, I'm trying to keep myself calm and distracted.
My cell phone is dead, and I won't have my new one till Tuesday, so I know some of my friends who read this regularly, who might try and contact me... I'm sorry I haven't responded.
Again, I can't believe how lucky I am that everything has gone this well so far.
Showing posts with label dopplers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dopplers. Show all posts
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
2 Days... and Our Last Day as a Family of Two!
They let me sleep in today! I woke up at 8:30 and was pleasantly surprised that the transporter hadn't come for me at 8. They came for me around 9:30, so I just got to lay around and relax for awhile. Everything was fine with the dopplers. No absence or reversal of flow, so just one more day of good news and we will have made it through!
The heart rate strips (or I guess they are technically NST's now) were fine in that they were reactive, but A was difficult to get on again. So I guess I stayed on for about an hour and a half, and the nurse had to hold him on for about half the time. We had to have someone come in with the sono, too. I think B is just too big and doesn't have as much room to move around.
I know some people are questioning why not go past 32 weeks if everything is fine. Statistically, 32 weeks is good for twins in this situation. Yes, they will have to stay in the NICU. But every day of this pregnancy has been so dangerous that I agree with my group of doctors that going past 32 weeks is just too risky to keep them out of the NICU for a few days/weeks. Just because I am monitored so often does not mean that something awful cannot happen the minute I get off them. I have heard/ seen so many stories about decelerations and cord entanglement after 32 weeks, and then women have to be rushed into surgery to save babies. And yes, I've heard stories too, where women have made it to 36 weeks and beyond. My husband and I personally do not want to take that risk. I have had 4 steroid injections and have been in the hands of fabulous doctors who have seen this before (although not very many). I'm praying for the best for my babies. Each case of this is so personal to each person, not every momo pregnancy is the same. While there are babies born at 23 weeks and are able to thrive, there are babies born at 39 weeks who don't make it. Shane and I are so scared and nervous, but we are trusting our doctors and we have confidence in our boys to be strong.
Again, thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. I cannot thank all of you enough for being there for us.
The heart rate strips (or I guess they are technically NST's now) were fine in that they were reactive, but A was difficult to get on again. So I guess I stayed on for about an hour and a half, and the nurse had to hold him on for about half the time. We had to have someone come in with the sono, too. I think B is just too big and doesn't have as much room to move around.
I know some people are questioning why not go past 32 weeks if everything is fine. Statistically, 32 weeks is good for twins in this situation. Yes, they will have to stay in the NICU. But every day of this pregnancy has been so dangerous that I agree with my group of doctors that going past 32 weeks is just too risky to keep them out of the NICU for a few days/weeks. Just because I am monitored so often does not mean that something awful cannot happen the minute I get off them. I have heard/ seen so many stories about decelerations and cord entanglement after 32 weeks, and then women have to be rushed into surgery to save babies. And yes, I've heard stories too, where women have made it to 36 weeks and beyond. My husband and I personally do not want to take that risk. I have had 4 steroid injections and have been in the hands of fabulous doctors who have seen this before (although not very many). I'm praying for the best for my babies. Each case of this is so personal to each person, not every momo pregnancy is the same. While there are babies born at 23 weeks and are able to thrive, there are babies born at 39 weeks who don't make it. Shane and I are so scared and nervous, but we are trusting our doctors and we have confidence in our boys to be strong.
Again, thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. I cannot thank all of you enough for being there for us.
Friday, February 10, 2012
3 Days Left
I woke up stressed, just thinking about the strips. I had to sleep sitting up because of the acid reflux. The dopplers went well, and they both passed their biophysical! The doctors and techs over there are all really excited for Monday. It was hard finding B's cord because he flipped over and was facing my back, so they had a hard time finding his insertion point in his belly button. That's how they find whose cord is whose. A's is a little smaller in width, but they still like to make sure by going from the belly button and moving outwards.
The first set of strips went fine. I had a labor and delivery nurse today, one who I don't see too often, but she's pretty patient in just letting the boys settle down on their own.
I took another long nap, thanks to the Prilosec, which after my second dose must have really kicked in.
The 2nd set of strips went well, too. I also decided to ask this nurse about what's going to happen on Monday, since she works in Labor & Delivery. She really calmed my nerves. She went through everything in detail, told me who would be there, what to expect, how I'll feel, where the babies will go, what will happen after, etc.
Tonight I had another really patient nurse, my usual weekend night nurse. It's amazing how much more pleasant the strips go when the nurses are patient. Of course, they saw lots of irritation in my uterus and contractions, so I had to keep drinking and going to the bathroom. But, it's before 11pm and I can take a shower and go to bed!
2 more full days in this room, 6 monitoring session left (plus one 2 hour one before the c-section), 3 days till I see our babies, and about a week till I can go home (probably going to be the hardest day ever)!
The first set of strips went fine. I had a labor and delivery nurse today, one who I don't see too often, but she's pretty patient in just letting the boys settle down on their own.
I took another long nap, thanks to the Prilosec, which after my second dose must have really kicked in.
The 2nd set of strips went well, too. I also decided to ask this nurse about what's going to happen on Monday, since she works in Labor & Delivery. She really calmed my nerves. She went through everything in detail, told me who would be there, what to expect, how I'll feel, where the babies will go, what will happen after, etc.
Tonight I had another really patient nurse, my usual weekend night nurse. It's amazing how much more pleasant the strips go when the nurses are patient. Of course, they saw lots of irritation in my uterus and contractions, so I had to keep drinking and going to the bathroom. But, it's before 11pm and I can take a shower and go to bed!
2 more full days in this room, 6 monitoring session left (plus one 2 hour one before the c-section), 3 days till I see our babies, and about a week till I can go home (probably going to be the hardest day ever)!
4 Days Left
Today was awful, for me.
The dopplers were good again (yea!) and all the heart rate strips went well.....
Except for the fact that A is a crazy man lately. You would think that since they are (hopefully) getting bigger, that they wouldn't have as much room to move around.
The dopplers are a little hard to do because there are always body parts in the way, whereas before they would have these long strips of cord they could use, but that's not a big deal.
The nurse today had a different midwife come in to find them on the sonogram. This one was much more patient about the whole process. B was easy, A was moving all over the place and we finally found him way down on my hip. He was on a few minutes when she had to come back in and he had moved to my side.... killing my ribs. Because he was so high up, I had acid reflux soooooo bad I thought I was going to be sick. They also had to have me lay flat so they could pick him up. I could feel the acid coming up my throat, so I was not drinking. Me +not drinking = contractions. So they made me gulp down my water, which made the acid reflux worse. I took TUM after TUM after TUM. I thought I would just have to roll my head to the side to get sick because I knew I wouldn't be able to get up I was strapped so tight.
It eventually ended, and I didn't get sick, but I took a nap right away. My body ached from being strapped so long (I think it took about 2 hours altogether). I couldn't eat anything, which I felt terrible about because I know the boys need to eat, I just didn't think I'd be able to keep it down. When I woke up around 3:30, the nurse told me they'd put an order in for Prilosec for the acid reflux.
When the tech came in to do my vitals, my pulse was high. Someone apparently wanted to send me to Labor & Delivery, but luckily my nurse knew I was stressed, she had me drink more water and breathe, she talked to me about other things, and she took it by hand- she claims it went down. I don't know if I believe her, but I don't care, because I knew she knew how stressed and dehydrated I was.
I finally got up around 5:30 and then they put me back on for the afternoon strips. What time did they end? 9:30..... It took another good hour to get A on again, he started up by ribs, moved down to my hip, then eventually stayed on my side for a little while, around 7:30. When the night nurse came in, I told her I would just continue on for the next 2 hours. I don't think I could have just gone off them for an hour just to get back on and suffer for another 3 or so hours to find them again. She did have to readjust A, he moved more to the middle of my stomach, and she tied the straps so tight that I still have marks on my stomach 3 hours later from them, but he stayed on.
Hopefully the next few days are a little easier.
The dopplers were good again (yea!) and all the heart rate strips went well.....
Except for the fact that A is a crazy man lately. You would think that since they are (hopefully) getting bigger, that they wouldn't have as much room to move around.
The dopplers are a little hard to do because there are always body parts in the way, whereas before they would have these long strips of cord they could use, but that's not a big deal.
The nurse today had a different midwife come in to find them on the sonogram. This one was much more patient about the whole process. B was easy, A was moving all over the place and we finally found him way down on my hip. He was on a few minutes when she had to come back in and he had moved to my side.... killing my ribs. Because he was so high up, I had acid reflux soooooo bad I thought I was going to be sick. They also had to have me lay flat so they could pick him up. I could feel the acid coming up my throat, so I was not drinking. Me +not drinking = contractions. So they made me gulp down my water, which made the acid reflux worse. I took TUM after TUM after TUM. I thought I would just have to roll my head to the side to get sick because I knew I wouldn't be able to get up I was strapped so tight.
It eventually ended, and I didn't get sick, but I took a nap right away. My body ached from being strapped so long (I think it took about 2 hours altogether). I couldn't eat anything, which I felt terrible about because I know the boys need to eat, I just didn't think I'd be able to keep it down. When I woke up around 3:30, the nurse told me they'd put an order in for Prilosec for the acid reflux.
When the tech came in to do my vitals, my pulse was high. Someone apparently wanted to send me to Labor & Delivery, but luckily my nurse knew I was stressed, she had me drink more water and breathe, she talked to me about other things, and she took it by hand- she claims it went down. I don't know if I believe her, but I don't care, because I knew she knew how stressed and dehydrated I was.
I finally got up around 5:30 and then they put me back on for the afternoon strips. What time did they end? 9:30..... It took another good hour to get A on again, he started up by ribs, moved down to my hip, then eventually stayed on my side for a little while, around 7:30. When the night nurse came in, I told her I would just continue on for the next 2 hours. I don't think I could have just gone off them for an hour just to get back on and suffer for another 3 or so hours to find them again. She did have to readjust A, he moved more to the middle of my stomach, and she tied the straps so tight that I still have marks on my stomach 3 hours later from them, but he stayed on.
Hopefully the next few days are a little easier.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
6 Days
Today was pretty rough, but we made it another day!
They BOTH passed their biophysical today! B had hiccups (which count) and A breathed. No one beat up the other one, either, which was nice. Dopplers were good, and the morning strips went fine.
This afternoon, the strips took 2 hours! The nurse couldn't find A, but then we got B on, then we got A on, then B came off, etc., etc. Then when we had both of them on, their heart rates were so close that it seemed like the same baby, they were even getting elevated at the same time. So she had the practitioner come in for a sonogram. I was freaking out. I thought there was only one baby left. I knew I had felt them both earlier in the day, but I was so scared. The practitioner was able to find both babies, and apparently, they just had the same heart rate. She said they can mimic each other (a sign of things to come...?) Eventually they separated, but it took over an hour to find them, and she only made me stay on for 45 minutes or maybe even less because I was having them done again in 2 hours anyway.
I had called Shane, trying to stay calm, and asked him for a milkshake. I guess that helped for tonight. They were both very wild, kicking and bumping me all over, but they stayed on the monitor. A came off for about the last 10 minutes like, "I'm sick of this, see ya!"
I'm curious to see if they ever have any fears about being restricted or beeping noises from all this monitoring. Poor babies.
They BOTH passed their biophysical today! B had hiccups (which count) and A breathed. No one beat up the other one, either, which was nice. Dopplers were good, and the morning strips went fine.
This afternoon, the strips took 2 hours! The nurse couldn't find A, but then we got B on, then we got A on, then B came off, etc., etc. Then when we had both of them on, their heart rates were so close that it seemed like the same baby, they were even getting elevated at the same time. So she had the practitioner come in for a sonogram. I was freaking out. I thought there was only one baby left. I knew I had felt them both earlier in the day, but I was so scared. The practitioner was able to find both babies, and apparently, they just had the same heart rate. She said they can mimic each other (a sign of things to come...?) Eventually they separated, but it took over an hour to find them, and she only made me stay on for 45 minutes or maybe even less because I was having them done again in 2 hours anyway.
I had called Shane, trying to stay calm, and asked him for a milkshake. I guess that helped for tonight. They were both very wild, kicking and bumping me all over, but they stayed on the monitor. A came off for about the last 10 minutes like, "I'm sick of this, see ya!"
I'm curious to see if they ever have any fears about being restricted or beeping noises from all this monitoring. Poor babies.
Monday, February 6, 2012
A Week Away....
This time next week I will have my boys!
I'm excited, scared, nervous, anxious, and every other emotion you can imagine. I try not to let myself get too excited still, because I know something can happen any day. But I look at all the days I've crossed off, and I look back to when I still had 28 days to go, and I see 7 now, and can't believe it.
I'm still exhausted. I've been taking 3 hour naps every day. I fall asleep at the drop of a hat now (like during the Superbowl last night.......what is that???!!! I just missed the halftime show though!) . I know Shane is exhausted with all the running around he does. And I know he is worried as much as I am. He laid around all day yesterday and was still here when I got back from the dopplers this morning, which usually he is already at work.
Milkshakes seem to put the boys in somewhat of a food coma at night, they are still reactive on the strips, but not crazy jumping around. So, I've become extremely dependent on those around 8pm.
The dopplers looked good again today, A had one high s/d number, but there was no absence or reversal of flow. The strips were somewhat miserable. Before I left the dopplers, the boys were punching each other in the face! Even the doctor was like, "Oh my! Maybe they're boxers!" When I got back for the heart rate strips, they were all over the place. They had moved around a little bit yesterday, A was always lower, but now B is. A is way up in my rib cage. The morning strips are only for an hour, but I think I laid there for an hour and a half, because we had to keep chasing them around. I had to lay slightly tilted on my left to get A on, but B didn't like that, so we had to stuff a pillow under my belly on my left side to get B to cooperate, and I had a long pillow on my right to keep me propped up at that angle. They still continued to push each other around.
We'll see how the rest of the day goes...
Sunday, February 5, 2012
I've Made it to the Single Digits!
Yesterday started my single digit countdown. Today I am 31 weeks gestation and 8 days away from my C-section!
I find myself getting more and more excited that this time next week I will be a day away from seeing our boys. But I catch myself because I feel like next Monday will be the beginning of the next challenge- the NICU. I am so excited to finally see these boys, that I haven't even thought about the operation itself. Different people have asked me if I'm ready for the C-section, and I'm like, "sure, whatever" because I haven't thought about it AT ALL. I know I'm being opened up, and I know I will have to recuperate, but all I can think about are how these boys are going to be. I just can't believe I've made it this far. I'm so happy about that.
Everything seems to be going so well with the boys. My dopplers this weekend were wonderful. The s/d numbers were great and there was no absence or reversal of flow in the cords, like usual, but yea! It's amazing how things can change from day to day. The monitoring has been going pretty well. They are definitely reactive, it just gets hard to keep them on. Thursday and Friday days, for both of the morning and afternoon monitorings, B was moving and kicking like crazy. The nurse had to keep coming in to find him, or call the sonogram tech in to find him. For my 1 hour one this morning I had to hold B on at an angle and the nurse had to hold A on. They were rolling and kicking, but not moving to the point that we had to rearrange the monitors. And the past 2 nights have gone really well, too.
I feel great, it's just hard to fall asleep at night because my mind is racing. I'm worried, scared, excited, and thinking about all the things that still need to get done. The nursery is painted, Shane ripped up the carpet to put new floor down in there, my mom feeds our cats when we're not there, and she's rearranged some of our moving boxes so the house isn't such a disaster when we get back. She had to put one of my cats to sleep on Friday, which broke my heart. It wasn't a big surprise, because she wasn't doing well, but still sad. I'm glad my mom could be there with her.
So, 8 days. The days seem to be running together. The past 2 weeks really flew by, the first one was the only one that dragged because I think I was trying to get used to everything I had to do, and then my grandfather... but I'm sure this week will drag just because I am getting so anxious. We'll see!
I find myself getting more and more excited that this time next week I will be a day away from seeing our boys. But I catch myself because I feel like next Monday will be the beginning of the next challenge- the NICU. I am so excited to finally see these boys, that I haven't even thought about the operation itself. Different people have asked me if I'm ready for the C-section, and I'm like, "sure, whatever" because I haven't thought about it AT ALL. I know I'm being opened up, and I know I will have to recuperate, but all I can think about are how these boys are going to be. I just can't believe I've made it this far. I'm so happy about that.
Everything seems to be going so well with the boys. My dopplers this weekend were wonderful. The s/d numbers were great and there was no absence or reversal of flow in the cords, like usual, but yea! It's amazing how things can change from day to day. The monitoring has been going pretty well. They are definitely reactive, it just gets hard to keep them on. Thursday and Friday days, for both of the morning and afternoon monitorings, B was moving and kicking like crazy. The nurse had to keep coming in to find him, or call the sonogram tech in to find him. For my 1 hour one this morning I had to hold B on at an angle and the nurse had to hold A on. They were rolling and kicking, but not moving to the point that we had to rearrange the monitors. And the past 2 nights have gone really well, too.
I feel great, it's just hard to fall asleep at night because my mind is racing. I'm worried, scared, excited, and thinking about all the things that still need to get done. The nursery is painted, Shane ripped up the carpet to put new floor down in there, my mom feeds our cats when we're not there, and she's rearranged some of our moving boxes so the house isn't such a disaster when we get back. She had to put one of my cats to sleep on Friday, which broke my heart. It wasn't a big surprise, because she wasn't doing well, but still sad. I'm glad my mom could be there with her.
So, 8 days. The days seem to be running together. The past 2 weeks really flew by, the first one was the only one that dragged because I think I was trying to get used to everything I had to do, and then my grandfather... but I'm sure this week will drag just because I am getting so anxious. We'll see!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
More Tips & My Schedule
More tips for moms who are becoming inpatient:
- Order extra food, drinks, snacks, whatever from "room service"
- Paper plates; napkins; plastic forks, knives, and spoons- this hospital has a microwave in their "refreshment room" where they have an ice machine, coffee maker, and things like that for visitors. People have made me food and if I have it reheated or order extra snacks from the cafeteria, I need something to eat it with!
- Some people had mentioned in their blogs about bringing sponge crates or extra things for their bed, which I didn't bother with, even though we have them at home. But the nurse told me the other day that they had ordered me an air mattress for my bed, and I took her up on the offer to put it on. Even though I'm not on bedrest, the amount of time I spend being monitored and sitting in certain positions, has really altered the shape of the mattress and my back was KILLING me. Last night was my first night on the air mattress, and while it's harder to move around on, it really helps.
My Schedule of Monitoring:
7:30- Wake up, breakfast, tech comes in and does blood pressure and temperature check
Around 8- a sonogram tech from the Prenatal Diagnostic Center in the hospital comes for me with a wheelchair to have dopplers done EVERYDAY, on Tuesdays and Friday she will also do the biophysical profile, and every 2 weeks on a Tuesday, a growth scan; on the weekends a transporter comes for me and takes me to radiology for the dopplers and they call the diagnostic lab doctor to confirm results
When I Come Back (anywhere between 9 to 10, depending on the day)- fetal heart rate strips for 1 hour in my room
Every single day I have had my doctor come in and talk to me about how things are going and how I am feeling; on the weekends, the on-call doctor from my doctor's practice will come in
3:30/4:00- fetal heart rate strips again for 1 hour in my room
8:30/9:00 (depending on the nurse)- 2 hour fetal heart rate strips
Around 11 pm- tech comes in and check blood pressure and temperature
- Order extra food, drinks, snacks, whatever from "room service"
- Paper plates; napkins; plastic forks, knives, and spoons- this hospital has a microwave in their "refreshment room" where they have an ice machine, coffee maker, and things like that for visitors. People have made me food and if I have it reheated or order extra snacks from the cafeteria, I need something to eat it with!
- Some people had mentioned in their blogs about bringing sponge crates or extra things for their bed, which I didn't bother with, even though we have them at home. But the nurse told me the other day that they had ordered me an air mattress for my bed, and I took her up on the offer to put it on. Even though I'm not on bedrest, the amount of time I spend being monitored and sitting in certain positions, has really altered the shape of the mattress and my back was KILLING me. Last night was my first night on the air mattress, and while it's harder to move around on, it really helps.
My Schedule of Monitoring:
7:30- Wake up, breakfast, tech comes in and does blood pressure and temperature check
Around 8- a sonogram tech from the Prenatal Diagnostic Center in the hospital comes for me with a wheelchair to have dopplers done EVERYDAY, on Tuesdays and Friday she will also do the biophysical profile, and every 2 weeks on a Tuesday, a growth scan; on the weekends a transporter comes for me and takes me to radiology for the dopplers and they call the diagnostic lab doctor to confirm results
When I Come Back (anywhere between 9 to 10, depending on the day)- fetal heart rate strips for 1 hour in my room
Every single day I have had my doctor come in and talk to me about how things are going and how I am feeling; on the weekends, the on-call doctor from my doctor's practice will come in
3:30/4:00- fetal heart rate strips again for 1 hour in my room
8:30/9:00 (depending on the nurse)- 2 hour fetal heart rate strips
Around 11 pm- tech comes in and check blood pressure and temperature
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The Glad Game
I was re-reading my last post and realized how depressing it was and how selfish it sounded. I was going to post on Sunday (30 weeks!!!!) but as usual, I've been busy. I had a sad day Saturday, I guess. I was getting angry watching these people leave the hospital with their babies like it wasn't a big deal and irritated with people who keep complaining about the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.
But the truth is, I thank God every night that I made it another day, the past couple of days I notice I even do it every hour or so. I feel so bad for complaining about being here and worrying about my babies when I see women on these momo sites wishing they had made it this far, wishing they could be at home with their other children, praying for the survival of their one remaining momo, or the worst- wishing they still had both of their babies. As my aunt said, who had my cousin at 23 weeks, "I would have hung by my feet if it meant I could get to 30 weeks".
So, growing up, my grandfather who recently passed away, would tell me whenever I was upset about something, to play "The Glad Game"- yes, the one from Pollyanna. Monday night I had to lay on my back for almost 4 hours for the heart rate strips because they thought one of the babies had a deceleration in heart rate. It was so painful, but I was afraid to move in fear that one of the boys would come off the monitor and I'd have to do it longer. I was frustrated, exhausted, irritable and a mess. And in all its cheesiness, I made myself play the Glad Game. I was glad I wasn't on bedrest, like so many of the women in the high risk unit are; I was glad my babies were still alive; I was glad I was 30 weeks; I was glad my husband was staying with me; and I was glad I didn't have any children at home- on Sunday night a child of the woman in the room next to mine cried desperately as she was leaving, "I want Mommy to come home", it was the most heartbreaking thing. And as irritated I was at the doctors and nurses that night, because they just came in and took me off the monitors like it was nothing to lay there that long at such an awkward angle; I was glad the next day when I had some sleep that they were being cautious of the situation. (My doctor was supposedly not happy about the whole thing).
It is getting more and more painful to get in these positions for the heart rate strips, and to move period. But I will continue to do what I have to do. I'm 30 weeks and 3 days today..... and I made it to February! B failed the biophysical profile again yesterday because he wouldn't breathe, but he breathed the entire time I was having the dopplers done today (everyone thinks B is going to take after me). A weighs 2lb 15oz. and B weighs 3lb 13oz. Last night they said I was having more contractions, but I didn't feel them, BUT my whole body hurt like crazy anyway, so who knows.
I'm still getting more and more nervous each day. I signed the consent forms for the C-section yesterday, so that made the whole situation really REAL. I've had tons of visitors everyday and my husband continues to be wonderful.
But the truth is, I thank God every night that I made it another day, the past couple of days I notice I even do it every hour or so. I feel so bad for complaining about being here and worrying about my babies when I see women on these momo sites wishing they had made it this far, wishing they could be at home with their other children, praying for the survival of their one remaining momo, or the worst- wishing they still had both of their babies. As my aunt said, who had my cousin at 23 weeks, "I would have hung by my feet if it meant I could get to 30 weeks".
So, growing up, my grandfather who recently passed away, would tell me whenever I was upset about something, to play "The Glad Game"- yes, the one from Pollyanna. Monday night I had to lay on my back for almost 4 hours for the heart rate strips because they thought one of the babies had a deceleration in heart rate. It was so painful, but I was afraid to move in fear that one of the boys would come off the monitor and I'd have to do it longer. I was frustrated, exhausted, irritable and a mess. And in all its cheesiness, I made myself play the Glad Game. I was glad I wasn't on bedrest, like so many of the women in the high risk unit are; I was glad my babies were still alive; I was glad I was 30 weeks; I was glad my husband was staying with me; and I was glad I didn't have any children at home- on Sunday night a child of the woman in the room next to mine cried desperately as she was leaving, "I want Mommy to come home", it was the most heartbreaking thing. And as irritated I was at the doctors and nurses that night, because they just came in and took me off the monitors like it was nothing to lay there that long at such an awkward angle; I was glad the next day when I had some sleep that they were being cautious of the situation. (My doctor was supposedly not happy about the whole thing).
It is getting more and more painful to get in these positions for the heart rate strips, and to move period. But I will continue to do what I have to do. I'm 30 weeks and 3 days today..... and I made it to February! B failed the biophysical profile again yesterday because he wouldn't breathe, but he breathed the entire time I was having the dopplers done today (everyone thinks B is going to take after me). A weighs 2lb 15oz. and B weighs 3lb 13oz. Last night they said I was having more contractions, but I didn't feel them, BUT my whole body hurt like crazy anyway, so who knows.
I'm still getting more and more nervous each day. I signed the consent forms for the C-section yesterday, so that made the whole situation really REAL. I've had tons of visitors everyday and my husband continues to be wonderful.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Nervous
Baby Updates- A's s/d ratio was normal yesterday. The number has to do with pressure in the umbilical cord, I'm not sure what it stands for, I know that it can determine low birth weight and things like that. Today, it was high again. They are going to keep an eye on it, and since there is no absence of flow or reversal of flow within the umbilical cords, and the heart rate strips are still going well, they are not going to do anything about it YET.
Thursday night was somewhat of a nightmare for me. The heart rate strips took 4 hours. 4 hours of no tracing on the strips. We could hear the babies' heart beats, but the monitors were not picking it up. A was doing somersaults. It made me so nervous for the dopplers on Friday morning, I thought for sure that the cords would be a tangled mess, but they didn't appear to be. The strips have gone well ever since then. The babies are active and I feel fine (other than the heartburn and getting kicked in the ribs by 4 legs).
Some Personal Updates- Today would have been my baby shower, which kind of made me sad. Not sad, because things are going well. But I got a little upset when I realized it because I remember thinking back to the very beginning of the pregnancy when I was happy and getting excited for all the fun things to come. It's so frivolous in the whole grand scheme of things: the shower, and preparing the nursery, and getting excited about sonograms; but, they are all things I looked forward to when imagining myself pregnant. Now all I want are my babies. Today would have also been my husband's grandmother's birthday. We had planned to name each boy (middle name) after her and after my grandmother that passed away, but now I keep trying to think of ways to use my grandfather's name in there also, or instead of my grandmother's- and save hers for another. I watched the funeral video Shane made for me today, too. It didn't bring much closure, but I'm glad I got to see it. Shane also went home to do laundry today and my mom, aunt, and sister were painting the nursery for me. Shane called me and we did that facetime thing so I could see how it was going and how it looked- it's a pretty light blue! The first nursery we painted at our old house we did green, so it's funny how I changed my mind.
I'm beginning to realize, and this seems stupid, that I need to mentally prepare myself for going in for a c-section at any moment. I had a crazy pregnancy dream on Thursday when I took a nap that my doctor didn't like A's s/d ratio and made me walk up 4 flights of stairs to register for my operation, only to find the 5th floor of the hospital was a Babies'R'Us. I knew things could get more complicated as I went along, but I was always hoping to go to 32 weeks. Things have been going so well, I just keep hoping I can make it another day. Tomorrow I'll be 30 weeks.
And another side note- it's a little cruel how this hospital's high risk unit is near the labor and delivery main entrance, because all day I watch people leave with their babies. And all I do is hope and pray that that will be me in a few weeks- smiling, happy, with our little boys tucked in nice and safe and Shane driving out of here at 5mph.
Thursday night was somewhat of a nightmare for me. The heart rate strips took 4 hours. 4 hours of no tracing on the strips. We could hear the babies' heart beats, but the monitors were not picking it up. A was doing somersaults. It made me so nervous for the dopplers on Friday morning, I thought for sure that the cords would be a tangled mess, but they didn't appear to be. The strips have gone well ever since then. The babies are active and I feel fine (other than the heartburn and getting kicked in the ribs by 4 legs).
Some Personal Updates- Today would have been my baby shower, which kind of made me sad. Not sad, because things are going well. But I got a little upset when I realized it because I remember thinking back to the very beginning of the pregnancy when I was happy and getting excited for all the fun things to come. It's so frivolous in the whole grand scheme of things: the shower, and preparing the nursery, and getting excited about sonograms; but, they are all things I looked forward to when imagining myself pregnant. Now all I want are my babies. Today would have also been my husband's grandmother's birthday. We had planned to name each boy (middle name) after her and after my grandmother that passed away, but now I keep trying to think of ways to use my grandfather's name in there also, or instead of my grandmother's- and save hers for another. I watched the funeral video Shane made for me today, too. It didn't bring much closure, but I'm glad I got to see it. Shane also went home to do laundry today and my mom, aunt, and sister were painting the nursery for me. Shane called me and we did that facetime thing so I could see how it was going and how it looked- it's a pretty light blue! The first nursery we painted at our old house we did green, so it's funny how I changed my mind.
I'm beginning to realize, and this seems stupid, that I need to mentally prepare myself for going in for a c-section at any moment. I had a crazy pregnancy dream on Thursday when I took a nap that my doctor didn't like A's s/d ratio and made me walk up 4 flights of stairs to register for my operation, only to find the 5th floor of the hospital was a Babies'R'Us. I knew things could get more complicated as I went along, but I was always hoping to go to 32 weeks. Things have been going so well, I just keep hoping I can make it another day. Tomorrow I'll be 30 weeks.
And another side note- it's a little cruel how this hospital's high risk unit is near the labor and delivery main entrance, because all day I watch people leave with their babies. And all I do is hope and pray that that will be me in a few weeks- smiling, happy, with our little boys tucked in nice and safe and Shane driving out of here at 5mph.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Busy
Since this past weekend I have been so incredibly busy! I was kind of exhausted today, but being so busy really helped to make the days go by faster.
So Saturday, my whole family was at my grandfather's funeral. I probably would have been more upset about it at the time, but I was having all my monitoring done, so I really wasn't able to think about it. It still upsets me that I wasn't able to go. The whole situation doesn't feel real to me because I was not able to live it. I don't think the reality of it all will sink in until I am around my whole family and he is not there. But, I had my father, stepmother and step sister visit on Saturday. And some of my family came by after the funeral. Shane actually recorded parts of the ceremony on his phone for me so I could see some of it- which I really, really appreciate. I haven't had time to watch it yet, but maybe it will bring me some closure.
On the weekends I don't go to the prenatal diagnostic area of the hospital for the dopplers, I go to the radiology unit. The tech up there does the sonogram, and then sends the numbers to the director of the prenatal diagnostic center (who's at home), and then she gets back to my nurses and they tell me how it went. The tech is not as familiar with my situation, but she told me both Saturday and Sunday that the numbers appeared to be similar to the ones they retrieved during the week.
Sunday my in-laws came by with lunch, and my grandparents, and one of my aunts. Sunday was also the Ravens playoff game.....
Monday I had more family stop by and all the usual testing, which went fine. That night more people came by, including an old co-worker of mine who brought me prayer cards and games to play! Things to do and things to eat are the perfect gifts in here.
Tuesday was the biophysical profile and neither one of them passed. Neither one would practice breathing. They each have to breathe for 30 seconds straight. A would breathe for 15, then stop. Then he would breathe for 20 seconds, then stop. I'm curious to see how these personalities they seem to be showing already will stick when they are born. My doctor was also not happy with the heart rate strips on Tuesday. She likes to see big changes in reactive rates, and they appeared to be sleeping for the first 2 strips that day. I was pretty worried about it, even though the nurse said there was obvious movement and changes in heart rate. My day time nurse had to hold the boys on, especially A, for both of the 2 hour strips. My aunt had brought me lunch and spent the day with me. And I had more visitors Tuesday night!
Wednesday I woke up and ate 2 donuts- hoping that would get them going- and it did! During the dopplers, B breathed the ENTIRE time! When the director came in to do her check after the tech, she said that the girl who did them in radiology over the weekend noted that they had both breathed. It just figures, that when it counts, they don't do it. But the director said at least I know they do DO it, if I didn't come in so frequently, I'd probably be more concerned. I was reminded of why I am so glad I am in here being monitored so often. Their strips were much better, too, I'm sure on account of the donuts. My step mother brought me lunch, I had another co-worker visit, and my mom brought me dinner. Another day of guests!
Today I was EXHAUSTED- mentally, emotionally, and physically. I didn't realize how physically exhausted I'd be in here. I thought I'd be sleeping, laying around, getting plenty of rest. But these boys are draining me in ways I can't describe. Plus, it is very hard to be so aware of what is going on, what people are talking about, what your schedule is from day to day, and trying to keep my life somewhat normal while I'm in here. I can't help but watch the monitors while they are doing the heart rate strips, my eyes are glued to the screens when they are doing the dopplers and profiles, and then I try to keep my little room neat, and keep my things organized.
The dopplers of the cords were fine today but they said A's numbers were a little high, still in the normal range, but high- like a 4.2, which means he may not be getting as much nutrients as B. The director didn't seem concerned, but I was freaking out. I took a 4 hour nap when I got back (and after the strips) and when my doctor came to see me, she wasn't worried about it all. She just told me to keep eating.
Let's see how they do with the biophysical profile tomorrow.....
So Saturday, my whole family was at my grandfather's funeral. I probably would have been more upset about it at the time, but I was having all my monitoring done, so I really wasn't able to think about it. It still upsets me that I wasn't able to go. The whole situation doesn't feel real to me because I was not able to live it. I don't think the reality of it all will sink in until I am around my whole family and he is not there. But, I had my father, stepmother and step sister visit on Saturday. And some of my family came by after the funeral. Shane actually recorded parts of the ceremony on his phone for me so I could see some of it- which I really, really appreciate. I haven't had time to watch it yet, but maybe it will bring me some closure.
On the weekends I don't go to the prenatal diagnostic area of the hospital for the dopplers, I go to the radiology unit. The tech up there does the sonogram, and then sends the numbers to the director of the prenatal diagnostic center (who's at home), and then she gets back to my nurses and they tell me how it went. The tech is not as familiar with my situation, but she told me both Saturday and Sunday that the numbers appeared to be similar to the ones they retrieved during the week.
Sunday my in-laws came by with lunch, and my grandparents, and one of my aunts. Sunday was also the Ravens playoff game.....
Monday I had more family stop by and all the usual testing, which went fine. That night more people came by, including an old co-worker of mine who brought me prayer cards and games to play! Things to do and things to eat are the perfect gifts in here.
Tuesday was the biophysical profile and neither one of them passed. Neither one would practice breathing. They each have to breathe for 30 seconds straight. A would breathe for 15, then stop. Then he would breathe for 20 seconds, then stop. I'm curious to see how these personalities they seem to be showing already will stick when they are born. My doctor was also not happy with the heart rate strips on Tuesday. She likes to see big changes in reactive rates, and they appeared to be sleeping for the first 2 strips that day. I was pretty worried about it, even though the nurse said there was obvious movement and changes in heart rate. My day time nurse had to hold the boys on, especially A, for both of the 2 hour strips. My aunt had brought me lunch and spent the day with me. And I had more visitors Tuesday night!
Wednesday I woke up and ate 2 donuts- hoping that would get them going- and it did! During the dopplers, B breathed the ENTIRE time! When the director came in to do her check after the tech, she said that the girl who did them in radiology over the weekend noted that they had both breathed. It just figures, that when it counts, they don't do it. But the director said at least I know they do DO it, if I didn't come in so frequently, I'd probably be more concerned. I was reminded of why I am so glad I am in here being monitored so often. Their strips were much better, too, I'm sure on account of the donuts. My step mother brought me lunch, I had another co-worker visit, and my mom brought me dinner. Another day of guests!
Today I was EXHAUSTED- mentally, emotionally, and physically. I didn't realize how physically exhausted I'd be in here. I thought I'd be sleeping, laying around, getting plenty of rest. But these boys are draining me in ways I can't describe. Plus, it is very hard to be so aware of what is going on, what people are talking about, what your schedule is from day to day, and trying to keep my life somewhat normal while I'm in here. I can't help but watch the monitors while they are doing the heart rate strips, my eyes are glued to the screens when they are doing the dopplers and profiles, and then I try to keep my little room neat, and keep my things organized.
The dopplers of the cords were fine today but they said A's numbers were a little high, still in the normal range, but high- like a 4.2, which means he may not be getting as much nutrients as B. The director didn't seem concerned, but I was freaking out. I took a 4 hour nap when I got back (and after the strips) and when my doctor came to see me, she wasn't worried about it all. She just told me to keep eating.
Let's see how they do with the biophysical profile tomorrow.....
Friday, January 20, 2012
First Days in the Hospital
I knew I said I would write more after my first full day in the hospital, but so much has happened, and my mind is such a mess, I couldn't concentrate to do it. But first, babies are doing ok.
So Tuesday, I was woken at 6 to repeat my glucose test that the diagnostic lab had done wrong, no big deal. Around 8, I was taken to another part of the hospital to have my biophysical profile done and the dopplers. Both babies passed the biophysical profile and the doppler looked good on Baby B, but they noticed a smaller artery in the umbilical cord of Baby A, which they said they would just keep an eye on. I got back to my EMPTY room around 10. My husband had spent the night and left to go to work. It was the first time alone in the hospital. But, then the nurse came to do the 1 hour heart rate strips, and they were fine, other than my boys don't cooperate and try to squirm away from the monitors. After that, I was exhausted, so I just watched meaningless things on tv and tried to sleep. It was a long day. The nurse came back at 4 do the 1 hour strips again. My mom and some of my aunts came by later (luckily the hospital I am staying in is close to most of my relatives) to visit before going to see my grandfather at the hospice. That night, we didn't start the heart rate strips till 9, and this was my 2 hour one. Because the boys had HAD IT with the monitoring, they were going all over the place and I don't think we finished till 11:45 because we had such a hard time getting a good read on them. As frustrating as it was, they're moving, and that's a good thing. But, when my nurse came to take the strips off, she told me my glucose test came back high and I would have to do it again in the morning- at 5! Shane spent the night with me again.
So on Wednesday, I awoke at 5 to have my blood drawn from my (as I was told) "teeny, tiny veins". They had to use my left hand. I drank the stuff, tried to fall back asleep, but couldn't, and then she came back at 6. She used my left hand again, but then I formed a small hematoma on the top of my hand, and she gave me ice (which ended up leaking all over the bed). So then at 7, she used my right hand. At 8, when the shifts changed, this nurse thought she could use a vein in the side of my arm. She tied the tourniquet so tight around my upper arm, and stuck the needle in, but no blood would come out. She tried for so long, I just laid my head back and then when I looked at my arm, it was a gigantic web of blue veins. She finally gave up and went back to my right hand, and that took forever because she said the vein was ready to collapse. As soon as she finished it was time for my dopplers! Both babies' cords looked fine that day, to the point that the tech was not convinced the twins were momos, she even thought she saw the membrane. Every time I have to the dopplers done, they have to have a doctor sign off on them and come in to look at everything. This doctor thought she saw the membrane, also. But then the director came in and told them that she had seen the cords twist too much to not be momos (this was the director that confirmed they were momos back in November). Either way, we won't know till I deliver and it doesn't change anything I'm doing until then. So, 9:30, back to my room for the strips. Then, my mom called, which I knew wasn't good because she usually waits for me to call her since I have so much done in the morning. I called her back and she told me my grandfather had passed away. I was happy he was at peace, but I cried during that set of strips.
It was a rough day, but my mom came by around 3 and sat with me during the strips. She learned how to follow around the boys and hold the monitor on me. My dad stopped by later, and Shane came and spent the night again. I feel bad for him because he does so much running around. After work, he goes home and feeds the cats, takes a shower, and then comes back to the hospital just to sleep on an uncomfortable sofa bed thing. He's a trooper and I really appreciate him staying.
Good news of the day- I passed my glucose test!
Thursday I did not have to get up early. But it is hard doing the heart rate strips so late, and having to get up at 7:30 (dopplers were fine again), when my body needs more sleep. It's been hard for me to nap because I've had so many people coming in and out of my room. Thursday I had a spiritual advisor come by and a physical therapist to teach me exercises to do since I can't move around a whole lot. I am allowed to leave the unit to go other areas in the hospital, but I have no desire to- at least not yet. My mom also came by to drop off pictures and a poster board for me to make for my grandfather's viewing. It would give me something to do, and at least I would feel a part of it in some way.
So today, Friday, I had another biophysical profile which Baby A passed, and B got 6 out of 8 because he wasn't practicing breathing. All the doctors said they are not concerned because he has done it before and under 32 weeks, it can be sporadic. I'm trying not to worry about it, and if the doctors aren't worried, then I'm trying not to be. The dopplers were fine again. My mom came by and picked up the poster board I had made. It breaks my heart that I couldn't go to the viewings. They got a flower arrangement for the babies, his first great-grand children. Shane took a picture of it and sent it to me. I had 2 dear friends from high school come by after the viewing to sit with me for a little while.
Now I'm just sitting here waiting for the nurse to come in and do the strips. We'll see how they do tonight, my rambunctious, rowdy, little boys.
So Tuesday, I was woken at 6 to repeat my glucose test that the diagnostic lab had done wrong, no big deal. Around 8, I was taken to another part of the hospital to have my biophysical profile done and the dopplers. Both babies passed the biophysical profile and the doppler looked good on Baby B, but they noticed a smaller artery in the umbilical cord of Baby A, which they said they would just keep an eye on. I got back to my EMPTY room around 10. My husband had spent the night and left to go to work. It was the first time alone in the hospital. But, then the nurse came to do the 1 hour heart rate strips, and they were fine, other than my boys don't cooperate and try to squirm away from the monitors. After that, I was exhausted, so I just watched meaningless things on tv and tried to sleep. It was a long day. The nurse came back at 4 do the 1 hour strips again. My mom and some of my aunts came by later (luckily the hospital I am staying in is close to most of my relatives) to visit before going to see my grandfather at the hospice. That night, we didn't start the heart rate strips till 9, and this was my 2 hour one. Because the boys had HAD IT with the monitoring, they were going all over the place and I don't think we finished till 11:45 because we had such a hard time getting a good read on them. As frustrating as it was, they're moving, and that's a good thing. But, when my nurse came to take the strips off, she told me my glucose test came back high and I would have to do it again in the morning- at 5! Shane spent the night with me again.
So on Wednesday, I awoke at 5 to have my blood drawn from my (as I was told) "teeny, tiny veins". They had to use my left hand. I drank the stuff, tried to fall back asleep, but couldn't, and then she came back at 6. She used my left hand again, but then I formed a small hematoma on the top of my hand, and she gave me ice (which ended up leaking all over the bed). So then at 7, she used my right hand. At 8, when the shifts changed, this nurse thought she could use a vein in the side of my arm. She tied the tourniquet so tight around my upper arm, and stuck the needle in, but no blood would come out. She tried for so long, I just laid my head back and then when I looked at my arm, it was a gigantic web of blue veins. She finally gave up and went back to my right hand, and that took forever because she said the vein was ready to collapse. As soon as she finished it was time for my dopplers! Both babies' cords looked fine that day, to the point that the tech was not convinced the twins were momos, she even thought she saw the membrane. Every time I have to the dopplers done, they have to have a doctor sign off on them and come in to look at everything. This doctor thought she saw the membrane, also. But then the director came in and told them that she had seen the cords twist too much to not be momos (this was the director that confirmed they were momos back in November). Either way, we won't know till I deliver and it doesn't change anything I'm doing until then. So, 9:30, back to my room for the strips. Then, my mom called, which I knew wasn't good because she usually waits for me to call her since I have so much done in the morning. I called her back and she told me my grandfather had passed away. I was happy he was at peace, but I cried during that set of strips.
It was a rough day, but my mom came by around 3 and sat with me during the strips. She learned how to follow around the boys and hold the monitor on me. My dad stopped by later, and Shane came and spent the night again. I feel bad for him because he does so much running around. After work, he goes home and feeds the cats, takes a shower, and then comes back to the hospital just to sleep on an uncomfortable sofa bed thing. He's a trooper and I really appreciate him staying.
Good news of the day- I passed my glucose test!
Thursday I did not have to get up early. But it is hard doing the heart rate strips so late, and having to get up at 7:30 (dopplers were fine again), when my body needs more sleep. It's been hard for me to nap because I've had so many people coming in and out of my room. Thursday I had a spiritual advisor come by and a physical therapist to teach me exercises to do since I can't move around a whole lot. I am allowed to leave the unit to go other areas in the hospital, but I have no desire to- at least not yet. My mom also came by to drop off pictures and a poster board for me to make for my grandfather's viewing. It would give me something to do, and at least I would feel a part of it in some way.
So today, Friday, I had another biophysical profile which Baby A passed, and B got 6 out of 8 because he wasn't practicing breathing. All the doctors said they are not concerned because he has done it before and under 32 weeks, it can be sporadic. I'm trying not to worry about it, and if the doctors aren't worried, then I'm trying not to be. The dopplers were fine again. My mom came by and picked up the poster board I had made. It breaks my heart that I couldn't go to the viewings. They got a flower arrangement for the babies, his first great-grand children. Shane took a picture of it and sent it to me. I had 2 dear friends from high school come by after the viewing to sit with me for a little while.
Now I'm just sitting here waiting for the nurse to come in and do the strips. We'll see how they do tonight, my rambunctious, rowdy, little boys.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)