Nervous

Baby Updates- A's s/d ratio was normal yesterday. The number has to do with pressure in the umbilical cord, I'm not sure what it stands for, I know that it can determine low birth weight and things like that. Today, it was high again. They are going to keep an eye on it, and since there is no absence of flow or reversal of flow within the umbilical cords, and the heart rate strips are still going well, they are not going to do anything about it YET.

Thursday night was somewhat of a nightmare for me. The heart rate strips took 4 hours. 4 hours of no tracing on the strips. We could hear the babies' heart beats, but the monitors were not picking it up. A was doing somersaults. It made me so nervous for the dopplers on Friday morning, I thought for sure that the cords would be a tangled mess, but they didn't appear to be. The strips have gone well ever since then. The babies are active and I feel fine (other than the heartburn and getting kicked in the ribs by 4 legs).

Some Personal Updates- Today would have been my baby shower, which kind of made me sad. Not sad, because things are going well. But I got a little upset when I realized it because I remember thinking back to the very beginning of the pregnancy when I was happy and getting excited for all the fun things to come. It's so frivolous in the whole grand scheme of things: the shower, and preparing the nursery, and getting excited about sonograms; but, they are all things I looked forward to when imagining myself pregnant. Now all I want are my babies. Today would have also been my husband's grandmother's birthday. We had planned to name each boy (middle name) after her and after my grandmother that passed away, but now I keep trying to think of ways to use my grandfather's name in there also, or instead of my grandmother's- and save hers for another. I watched the funeral video Shane made for me today, too. It didn't bring much closure, but I'm glad I got to see it. Shane also went home to do laundry today and my mom, aunt, and sister were painting the nursery for me. Shane called me and we did that facetime thing so I could see how it was going and how it looked- it's a pretty light blue! The first nursery we painted at our old house we did green, so it's funny how I changed my mind.

I'm beginning to realize, and this seems stupid, that I need to mentally prepare myself for going in for a c-section at any moment. I had a crazy pregnancy dream on Thursday when I took a nap that my doctor didn't like A's s/d ratio and made me walk up 4 flights of stairs to register for my operation, only to find the 5th floor of the hospital was a Babies'R'Us. I knew things could get more complicated as I went along, but I was always hoping to go to 32 weeks. Things have been going so well, I just keep hoping I can make it another day. Tomorrow I'll be 30 weeks.

And another side note- it's a little cruel how this hospital's high risk unit is near the labor and delivery main entrance, because all day I watch people leave with their babies. And all I do is hope and pray that that will be me in a few weeks- smiling, happy, with our little boys tucked in nice and safe and Shane driving out of here at 5mph.

Fetal Heart Rate Strips in Pictures

This is the lovely view I have of my stomach while I'm having the fetal heart rate strips done. 

the monitor on the left is for B, the one in the lower corner is the Toco for contractions, 

and the one farther away to the right is A.

This is the machine that tracks their heart rates. The left number is A, the middle 

one is for my contractions, and the one on the right is B.

Busy

Since this past weekend I have been so incredibly busy! I was kind of exhausted today, but being so busy really helped to make the days go by faster.

So Saturday, my whole family was at my grandfather's funeral. I probably would have been more upset about it at the time, but I was having all my monitoring done, so I really wasn't able to think about it. It still upsets me that I wasn't able to go. The whole situation doesn't feel real to me because I was not able to live it. I don't think the reality of it all will sink in until I am around my whole family and he is not there. But, I had my father, stepmother and step sister visit on Saturday. And some of my family came by after the funeral. Shane actually recorded parts of the ceremony on his phone for me so I could see some of it- which I really, really appreciate. I haven't had time to watch it yet, but maybe it will bring me some closure.

On the weekends I don't go to the prenatal diagnostic area of the hospital for the dopplers, I go to the radiology unit. The tech up there does the sonogram, and then sends the numbers to the director of the prenatal diagnostic center (who's at home), and then she gets back to my nurses and they tell me how it went. The tech is not as familiar with my situation, but she told me both Saturday and Sunday that the numbers appeared to be similar to the ones they retrieved during the week.

Sunday my in-laws came by with lunch, and my grandparents, and one of my aunts. Sunday was also the Ravens playoff game.....

Monday I had more family stop by and all the usual testing, which went fine. That night more people came by, including an old co-worker of mine who brought me prayer cards and games to play! Things to do and things to eat are the perfect gifts in here.

Tuesday was the biophysical profile and neither one of them passed. Neither one would practice breathing. They each have to breathe for 30 seconds straight. A would breathe for 15, then stop. Then he would breathe for 20 seconds, then stop. I'm curious to see how these personalities they seem to be showing already will stick when they are born. My doctor was also not happy with the heart rate strips on Tuesday. She likes to see big changes in reactive rates, and they appeared to be sleeping for the first 2 strips that day. I was pretty worried about it, even though the nurse said there was obvious movement and changes in heart rate. My day time nurse had to hold the boys on, especially A, for both of the 2 hour strips. My aunt had brought me lunch and spent the day with me. And I had more visitors Tuesday night!

Wednesday I woke up and ate 2 donuts- hoping that would get them going- and it did! During the dopplers, B breathed the ENTIRE time! When the director came in to do her check after the tech, she said that the girl who did them in radiology over the weekend noted that they had both breathed. It just figures, that when it counts, they don't do it. But the director said at least I know they do DO it, if I didn't come in so frequently, I'd probably be more concerned. I was reminded of why I am so glad I am in here being monitored so often. Their strips were much better, too, I'm sure on account of the donuts. My step mother brought me lunch, I had another co-worker visit, and my mom brought me dinner. Another day of guests!

Today I was EXHAUSTED- mentally, emotionally, and physically. I didn't realize how physically exhausted I'd be in here. I thought I'd be sleeping, laying around, getting plenty of rest. But these boys are draining me in ways I can't describe. Plus, it is very hard to be so aware of what is going on, what people are talking about, what your schedule is from day to day, and trying to keep my life somewhat normal while I'm in here. I can't help but watch the monitors while they are doing the heart rate strips, my eyes are glued to the screens when they are doing the dopplers and profiles, and then I try to keep my little room neat, and keep my things organized.

The dopplers of the cords were fine today but they said A's numbers were a little high, still in the normal range, but high- like a 4.2, which means he may not be getting as much nutrients as B. The director didn't seem concerned, but I was freaking out. I took a 4 hour nap when I got back (and after the strips) and when my doctor came to see me, she wasn't worried about it all. She just told me to keep eating.

Let's see how they do with the biophysical profile tomorrow.....

Advice I'd Have For Others (so far)

There are some basic things I learned from other momo moms about what to bring:

-towels/ shampoo/ soap/ make-up

-pillows/ blankets/ some bring sheets

-pictures and things to remind you of home

-lap top/ kindle/ ipad/ ipod/ etc

-books/ magazines

-crafts

-other things to keep you busy

... And these are all perfect ideas! I didn't bring my own sheets because they change them everyday anyway, but I brought all my own pillows, blankets, and towels.



Other things the nurses have told me:

- ask to change your room around to meet your needs. I didn't do this because I'm happy with the way the room is, but I know if you are on bedrest, you might want to move the bed near the window, or closer to the tv, or wherever

- one of the techs told me to make sure my pillows/sheets/towels were not white or off-white because if something were to happen, and they rushed me out; and then the techs had to come in here to clean up my room, they might mistake my things for hospital things and put them with the laundry

- bring in a tub/container to keep food in (to keep fresh and in case of ants)

-aluminum foil on containers to keep leftover food in- my room has a small refrigerator and then there is a larger one outside of my room i can keep leftover food in

- tell people who visit to bring food; flowers are nice, but pregnant women need more than hospital food!

- I don't mind this, but one nurse also told me to encourage people to come visit during the week, that way you are not bombarded with a line of people waiting to get in on the weekends, making you exhausted- just to be lonely all week long. I've been happy to have anyone come visit, anytime!

- ask your nurses/ techs questions! Don't be afraid to ask for something, or just if you don't understand something, that is what they are there for. My techs have actually asked me why I never call them, and they reminded me that it's their job to do things for me and they don't mind doing them.

- along with bringing make-up/ hair dryer/ nice clothes- get up and get dressed everyday, make yourself feel good- put on your make-up (I don't, but I put on perfume and do my hair) and it takes up time! Sometimes I keep on pajama pants and an old t-shirt for my dopplers and first round of monitoring just because it makes my belly more accessible and my other shirts clean from the goo, but then I often change into maternity clothes. The hospital I am in has a boutique for inpatients where you can get your hair colored, cut, styled, and get manicures and pedicures; but I have my lovely sister coming tonight to give me a pedicure! So if someone is willing, take up offers to make yourself feel good and keep your spirits up!

- I had a physical therapist come in to ask if I wanted to learn some exercises, even though I'm not on bed rest. I took her up on the offer, just to keep my blood flowing and joints moving. She also gave me a calendar to mark off my exercises and days- which again, takes up time!

That's all I can think of for now! But I will update as I go along!



* Update from 3/8/12-  If anyone is monitored like I was, you honestly may not be able to do anything while you are being monitored. I had to help hold my boys on, because they moved around so much. So I had no free hands to read, color, do anything but watch tv once in awhile- IF THAT. Because I would also watch their numbers to make sure I was getting a good read on them. Good luck to all!

Thank You

I'm using this post to thank all of the people who have been there for my husband and I the past few days. It's truly amazing who you THINK cares about you, and who really does when things go awry. Some people really stepped up to the plate these past few days and we could not be more appreciative. I have had so many people call, text, email, and visit me. I know it's hard to visit, and hospitals are not pleasant places to be, but just the texts and the little Facebook messages mean so much. The past couple of days have been so hard emotionally, physically, and mentally on Shane and I, that it's nice to know we have a strong support system around us.

And then there's my mom, who despite having to say goodbye to her father this week, has been here every day, even if just for a little bit; and she calls every night to see how things are going and how all the tests go. I love you mom! :)

And Shane, I could not do this without him. I know he's just as stressed as I am, but he doesn't show it. I can be an emotional wreck sometimes, and I flip out when the monitors change too much, but he always remains calm. He brings me dinners and milkshakes at night, and leaves me notes in the morning. I'm very lucky to #1- be in a hospital close to our home, because I know a lot of momo moms have to move far away from their families; and #2- have a husband who is always there, no matter how tired he is or how much driving around he has to do. I love you!

First Days in the Hospital

I knew I said I would write more after my first full day in the hospital, but so much has happened, and my mind is such a mess, I couldn't concentrate to do it. But first, babies are doing ok.

So Tuesday, I was woken at 6 to repeat my glucose test that the diagnostic lab had done wrong, no big deal. Around 8, I was taken to another part of the hospital to have my biophysical profile done and the dopplers. Both babies passed the biophysical profile and the doppler looked good on Baby B, but they noticed a smaller artery in the umbilical cord of Baby A, which they said they would just keep an eye on. I got back to my EMPTY room around 10. My husband had spent the night and left to go to work. It was the first time alone in the hospital. But, then the nurse came to do the 1 hour heart rate strips, and they were fine, other than my boys don't cooperate and try to squirm away from the monitors. After that, I was exhausted, so I just watched meaningless things on tv and tried to sleep. It was a long day. The nurse came back at 4 do the 1 hour strips again. My mom and some of my aunts came by later (luckily the hospital I am staying in is close to most of my relatives) to visit before going to see my grandfather at the hospice. That night, we didn't start the heart rate strips till 9, and this was my 2 hour one. Because the boys had HAD IT with the monitoring, they were going all over the place and I don't think we finished till 11:45 because we had such a hard time getting a good read on them. As frustrating as it was, they're moving, and that's a good thing. But, when my nurse came to take the strips off, she told me my glucose test came back high and I would have to do it again in the morning- at 5! Shane spent the night with me again.

So on Wednesday, I awoke at 5 to have my blood drawn from my (as I was told) "teeny, tiny veins". They had to use my left hand. I drank the stuff, tried to fall back asleep, but couldn't, and then she came back at 6. She used my left hand again, but then I formed a small hematoma on the top of my hand, and she gave me ice (which ended up leaking all over the bed). So then at 7, she used my right hand. At 8, when the shifts changed, this nurse thought she could use a vein in the side of my arm. She tied the tourniquet so tight around my upper arm, and stuck the needle in, but no blood would come out. She tried for so long, I just laid my head back and then when I looked at my arm, it was a gigantic web of blue veins. She finally gave up and went back to my right hand, and that took forever because she said the vein was ready to collapse. As soon as she finished it was time for my dopplers! Both babies' cords looked fine that day, to the point that the tech was not convinced the twins were momos, she even thought she saw the membrane. Every time I have to the dopplers done, they have to have a doctor sign off on them and come in to look at everything. This doctor thought she saw the membrane, also. But then the director came in and told them that she had seen the cords twist too much to not be momos (this was the director that confirmed they were momos back in November). Either way, we won't know till I deliver and it doesn't change anything I'm doing until then. So, 9:30, back to my room for the strips. Then, my mom called, which I knew wasn't good because she usually waits for me to call her since I have so much done in the morning. I called her back and she told me my grandfather had passed away. I was happy he was at peace, but I cried during that set of strips.

It was a rough day, but my mom came by around 3 and sat with me during the strips. She learned how to follow around the boys and hold the monitor on me. My dad stopped by later, and Shane came and spent the night again. I feel bad for him because he does so much running around. After work, he goes home and feeds the cats, takes a shower, and then comes back to the hospital just to sleep on an uncomfortable sofa bed thing. He's a trooper and I really appreciate him staying.
 Good news of the day- I passed my glucose test!

Thursday I did not have to get up early. But it is hard doing the heart rate strips so late, and having to get up at 7:30 (dopplers were fine again), when my body needs more sleep. It's been hard for me to nap because I've had so many people coming in and out of my room. Thursday I had a spiritual advisor come by and a physical therapist to teach me exercises to do since I can't move around a whole lot. I am allowed to leave the unit to go other areas in the hospital, but I have no desire to- at least not yet. My mom also came by to drop off pictures and a poster board for me to make for my grandfather's viewing. It would give me something to do, and at least I would feel a part of it in some way.

So today, Friday, I had another biophysical profile which Baby A passed, and B got 6 out of 8 because he wasn't practicing breathing. All the doctors said they are not concerned because he has done it before and under 32 weeks, it can be sporadic. I'm trying not to worry about it, and if the doctors aren't worried, then I'm trying not to be. The dopplers were fine again. My mom came by and picked up the poster board I had made. It breaks my heart that I couldn't go to the viewings. They got a flower arrangement for the babies, his first great-grand children. Shane took a picture of it and sent it to me. I had 2 dear friends from high school come by after the viewing to sit with me for a little while.

Now I'm just sitting here waiting for the nurse to come in and do the strips. We'll see how they do tonight, my rambunctious, rowdy, little boys.

1st Hour in the Hospital

So I'm here. I've already had a sonogram, had their heartbeats checked, and had heart rate strips done. Boys are doing good, they just do not like having the heart rate strips done.

My room is not that bad, doesn't feel so much like a hospital room (other than the bed), and the nurses I've had so far have been pleasant. I have a little refrigerator and some dressers and a closet.

I don't know what else to say yet, I'm just trying to get acclimated with everything. Tomorrow I'm going to have a lot of things done, so I'll have a lot more to write about.

Last Day at Home

I just finished watching the Ravens game, as sad as it was, I can't believe we won. I'm trying to relax and pretend it's like a normal day but it's hard knowing I won't be here for awhile. I hate hospitals, but I know I'm doing this for my boys. I'm just having a weird mix of emotions- I hate the idea of being there, but I can't wait to be there and be able to have the boys monitored a few times daily. I'm packing up things to keep me busy, Shane's getting the laundry done, and I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever the next couple of weeks bring.

Everything went fine again on Friday. The nurse we had this time had a hard time finding B's heart rate, and when she left the room to get the sonogram technician, Shane was able to find it. We're getting so used to this, they might as well just let us do it ourselves! And of course, I can see it happening already, they're going to behave whenever he's around.

I'm trying to think of all the positives of this experience, the main one being that becoming an inpatient seems to work as far as delivering. If something happens at any point during my monitoring, I'll be right there to get those babies out right away, and that is the biggest comfort. When I begin to think of the meaningless things- like not being in my own home, or my bed, or having privacy, or things like that- I try and remember that this can be just a time for me to relax. I'm bringing my kindle and some other books I've held off reading, cause Lord knows I won't have time to read for a long time once the boys get here. I won't have to worry about laundry getting done, or if there are dishes in the sink, or if someone needs to go the food store.

The thing that gets me the most is that I won't be able to go to my grandfather's funeral. He's in a semi-comatose state right now, we're just waiting for a phone call. He's always been there for me -when I was sick, or having school problems, he was there when Shane proposed, he remembered and knew everything about me. I think my family is glad I won't be able to go, but it breaks my heart.

Well, I'm going to go watch this other game. I'll let everyone know how tomorrow goes.

Almost There

We had another sonogram today, and the boys are staying put!

Then we went back down to Labor & Delivery for an "NST"- we learned today that certain people are using this term interchangeably it seems, and what I am really having done are 30 minute fetal heart rate strips. My doctor had told me that these are what I was to have done, but when I had gone down to have them done before, different people had referred to them as an NST, as did the sonogram technician today. It turns out they don't do NST's before 30 weeks. But anyway, the boys behaved pretty well with the strips today. They usually don't like it, especially B- he kicks and squirms, and even kicks his brother off the monitor sometimes. This girl had the strips on me pretty tight, which they hated, but it worked. We are also beginning to have the same nurses over and over, which I find funny. They also put a contraction monitor on me, but since I'm not feeling them, they don't strap it as tight- thank goodness!

My doctor doesn't make appointments on Wed. afternoons because she spends them in the Labor and Delivery Unit. She popped in on us today and laughed at me when she saw me strapped up so much. She said the boys reactive rates "look wonderful for their gestational age", so that made me feel good. I knew my blood pressure would not be very good because I had just left the hospice where my grandfather is, and I warned the nurse. She wanted to keep checking my blood pressure to make sure it was ok, but my doctor said not to worry about it. She turned to me and said, "this is why I don't want you in the hospital too early, they worry about too much shit". The nurse nodded and said, "it's true".

That's all I can think of for now, it's been an emotional and tiring day.

Long Day at the Doctor's/Hospital

Everything went fine today. We had a sonogram at 1:15 and the boys are getting big! Their heart rates look good and (to me) the umbilical cords don't look as tangled. The technician we've had has been so nice and has explained, in detail, so much of what she is looking for and what different things mean.

I wanted to meet with the secretary/ scheduling person to talk about the plans for the rest of the week and I asked her to ask the doctor about being admitted sooner, and she said she'd give me a call. So we head down to have another 30 minute NST in Labor and Delivery, and she calls and tells me to come back up to see the doctor. Then I lug my huge body all the way over to the other side of the hospital again. She was happy with the way their heart rates look, happy with how they are developing, and happy with my cervix.... she was mad the hospital made me stay overnight. She said, "Of course you are having contractions! You have 2 babies in there and your uterus knows what it is doing! I'd be worried if you weren't!" :)

But, after talking to her about my fears of waiting through the weekend to be admitted, she told me how even when I am admitted, the only thing it changes is how often I am monitored. Something can happy very quickly, within an hour, whether I am in the hospital or not. The main reason she had scheduled it for Monday instead of Friday was because she needs one of her doctors there to authorize my admission.  But she told me I can always make up reasons to go in and hear the heartbeat if it made us more comfortable. Soooo, we will be doing that. I do feel better after talking to her about it, she seems very confident with our plan, and if I ever get worried, I'll just go in!

Then we headed down for the NST. The boys do not like it, they kick the hardest when they know they are being monitored. I had to have 2 people come in to watch them and they had to bring a sonogram machine in to find them again. They were both head down today. A has been breech a lot of the time, so that was different.

On top of it all, my grandfather is in hospice care now. I know no one really wanted me to go see him (everyone's afraid of me getting too upset), but I couldn't not go. So I went and spent some time with him tonight. :(

2nd Round of Steroids

Went back to the hospital today and they did another NST without my even asking! So I was happy about that. Then I got my 2nd round of steroids, and they went fine. The boys have not seem to have moved a lot, A is still on my right sciatic nerve, and even though it hurts like crazy, as long as he stays there... I'm happy! I noticed that if I press my hand to where the monitors were on me, I can feel the heartbeats myself. We are thinking I'd like to go in everyday next week, instead of every other day. I'd also like to be admitted on Friday, instead of Monday. Going those 2 days next weekend without being monitored makes me nervous!

People have asked me if I have had side effects from the steroids, and I haven't. I don't know what other people may have experienced. My cousin said that she had to take them once and they made her heart race, I haven't noticed that. When they gave me the Turbutaline in the hospital, that made my heart race. The nurses kept track of my blood pressure and heart rate constantly, and that went away after an hour or 2.

I feel pretty relaxed right now. At night when I'm trying to sleep is when my mind races and I get nervous or anxious, just to get to the hospital and feel safe.

Falls & Steroids

On Wednesday, my cousin and my mom came over to help me organize some things in the house and put away Christmas decorations. It's getting harder and harder to move around. We had a sonogram on Tuesday and the boys are doing great. Their heart rates are wonderful and A is measuring 2 lbs. 11 oz. and B is measuring 2 lbs. 5 oz.! They're big for 26 weeks! I'm hoping some of the big baby genes in my family help me out in this situation.

My mom was down in our basement putting decorations away, my cousin was organizing my bathroom upstairs, and I was sitting on the couch going through boxes. I decided to go down and make sure we had put away all the decorations. I was wearing socks, and the steps leading to the basement are carpeted= not a good combo. I slipped down the last 3 steps and landed on my butt on the bottom step. I should add that A has been laying on my sciatic nerve since Sunday and it was really hard for me to put weight on my right leg. I called the doctor and she said to eat something sweet and cold, and I needed to feel 3 kicks on each side within an hour. My mom made me 2 bowls of ice cream, A started kicking all over, but I only felt one kick from B. I called back and they told me to get assessed in Labor and Delivery. 

I checked in, and the babies were fine, but they noticed I was having contractions 3-4 minutes apart; but I wasn't feeling them. The doctor on call there said that it most likely had nothing to do with the fall. They continued to monitor the babies' heart rates, but noticed my contractions were now 2 minutes apart. I felt one- just a tightness in my abdomen. They decided to keep me overnight to monitor the babies and contractions (I think they were worried because they were all aware of me- I'm being admitted on the 16th, and the high risk situation). They gave me Turbutaline and told me to drink a lot of water. They swabbed me and ran an FNN-fetal fibronectin, that came back negative and means I won't go into labor for at least another 2 weeks. It was a long night, the babies were moving all over and the heart rate strips took forever to do. But I was given permission to go home the next morning. I was prepared to stay, since I'll be there in a week in a half anyway, but they talked to my doctor and she said the contractions were normal with twins and to stick to our plan.

*I want to add that apparently I am already very popular at the hospital. Everyone knows who I am, I had so many doctors and nurses peek in to see me, even the people at the front desk knew who I was. Everyone has been very nice, so far, and that makes knowing that I'll be living there for a few weeks a lot more comforting. 

So today I went back to have a sonogram, do the heart rate strips (NST- which was part of our plan as part of my high risk pregnancy), and get my first steroid injection. Babies are still doing well. I got my first steroid injection of Betamethizone, and I will go back tomorrow for my 2nd injection. I am 26 weeks and 6 days today. 

I will admit I am having 2nd thoughts about our initial plan to do outpatient next week and continue as an inpatient at 28 weeks. After my fall on Wednesday, and being able to see the babies' heart rates on a regular basis, it freaks me out to not be able to see that everyday. We asked if we could be monitored tomorrow, so we'll see. Then we go Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and then I'll be an inpatient as of Monday the 16th. We may talk to the doctor about being admitted maybe Friday, or going everyday this week for the NST. I don't know. I'm just nervous.

To top it off, my 89 year old grandfather, whom I love like a father, fell on Tuesday. He is in so much pain, refuses to go to the doctor, won't eat, and can't move. Last night my aunt, who he lives with, thinks he had a stroke because he has been talking funny and can't remember anything. My mom just called this second and said that the doctor came to the house and now thinks he has Parkinson's disease. No one wants me to come see him because they don't want me getting upset, but I hate the thought of not being there for him. :(

We Decided To Move

My husband and I moved December 3rd. So on top of all these doctor appointments, meetings, work, the holidays, and the fact that I was measuring 30 weeks at 22 weeks, we had the ingenius idea to move to have more room for the babies. We are very thankful that we were able to move with all this going on, but now we are still living out of boxes and we don't have the nursery set up at all. Talk about stress...

Dates I'll Never Forget

Sunday, July 31, 2011
 "You're Pregnant!"

Towards the end of May, beginning of June, my husband and I thought, "Let's see if we can have a baby." On Thursday, July 28th, a day before I was supposed to get my period, I started feeling cramps (I had spotted and thought I had had my period the previous month, but it was so hard to tell if and when I did), and was kind of a in a bad mood about it. But, the next day, nothing came. Nothing came on Saturday, either. And when nothing came on Sunday, my husband was antsy to get to the store and get a pregnancy test. I was just nervous. After I took it, and even though you are supposed to wait awhile to see the results, it popped up positive right away. (In hindsight, this is a symptom that you are pregnant with twins because your hormones are stronger). My husband just looked at me and said, "It looks like you're pregnant!".

Thursday, August 4, 2011
 Telling Our Parents


I went to my doctor on Wednesday to confirm the pregnancy and they did a blood test to determine my due date. Thursday night we told my mom, with my family's tradition of giving a porcelain baby. I texted my sister a picture of the pregnancy test. Then we went to my father's house and told him and my step mother and step sister. Afterwards, we went to my in-laws and told them by giving them 2 baby bibs, each one exclaiming them a grandma or grandpa. Everyone was thrilled and we were so excited to finally be able to tell some people! I was only a little over 5 weeks, so we were going to wait to tell everyone else.

Sunday, August 7, 2011
 So We Told a Few More People...


We decided to tell some people in my family because a lot of my cousins who we are very close to were going back to college and we wanted to be able to tell them in person. My mom arranged a cookout at her house, and I told everyone by giving my 89 year old grandfather a porcelain baby, which told everyone without having to say anything. Everyone was so excited, I think we went deaf with all the screaming.

Saturday-Sunday, August 13th & 14th, 2011
Uh oh...


Saturday I noticed some spotting, it was very light, but I freaked out and didn't tell anyone, not even my husband. I looked up spotting on different pregnancy sites on my phone because I didn't want to risk anyone seeing me looking it up on any computer. Some people said it was normal, almost everyone said to go to your doctor, and others said it was the beginning of a miscarriage. But, it was such a little amount and I had been so busy that week- shopping, running on the treadmill, etc. that some people said that too much activity can cause it, too. Then Sunday, I had cramps- severe, numbing cramps, and a little more spotting. People said that with cramping and spotting together- go to the doctor or hospital immediately. I told my husband, we looked up more information online, a lot of people said that both were signs of miscarriage but all a doctor will do is see if there is a heartbeat, that there is nothing you can do. I think I saw about 4 stories where people said when they went to the doctor, they found out they were pregnant with multiples, so that always stuck in my mind. We were at our family's shore home, and not close to home, so we decided to call the doctor the following morning.

Monday, August 15, 2011
 "Can I Ask You Guys a Question?"


I called the doctor the minute they opened and they had me come right in to get checked out. My doctor examined me, said everything appeared to be fine, but he gave me a script for an ultrasound. He sent me over to the radiology unit of the hospital, because they could take me sooner (he no longer delivers babies, so I was in the process of checking out new doctors for delivery). My husband and I were so nervous and I was ready to burst into tears at any moment. When the girl took us back into the room, and started rubbing the wand over my stomach, I just stared up at the ceiling, not able to look, and my husband sat in a chair towards the end of the table. She warned us that because it was so early in the pregnancy, we would most likely not be able to see anything, but she would be able to detect a heartbeat. After a minute or 2, she said, "Well here's a heartbeat...", but I still did not feel relieved and did not look at the screen. I don't know why I didn't feel better, maybe it was her tone of voice, she didn't seem excited or satisfied either, I guess. Then she asked if she could do an internal sonogram, and I said, "Sure."

Once I relieved myself in the bathroom, I realized I did feel a little better, but I was concerned as to why she was going to do a different sonogram. Once I was back on the table and she was studying the screen for awhile, she says, "Can I ask you guys a question?" My husband and I looked at each other and said, "Sure....." and she asks, "Do twins run in your family?" My husband and I looked at each and then I looked at her, and she was smiling! I looked at the screen and saw 2 little lima beans jumping around. "There's 2 in here." she says. (the only set of twins from my family were from my father's side). My husband and I just laughed and smiled. It was a day from starting at one emotional extreme- preparing myself for loss to the other- having 2 babies!

She said they were identical because they were in the same sac. We left the office laughing and smiling.

Friday, September 23, 2011
"You Have Decisions To Make"


So at the first trimester screen, Baby A looked wonderful, but when the sonogram technician got to Baby B, she went silent, so we knew something was wrong. When the doctor came in to talk to us, we knew it was going to be bad news. She told us her name, and jumped into a question asking session, "Do you know why you're here? Do you know what this test is? What are we measuring? What are you thinking?" We were so anxious for her to just spit it out, my mind was swimming and I could not believe she would not just get to the bad news. She went on to tell us that Baby B most likely had down syndrome or some other chromosomal abnormality, and there was possibly a risk to harming Baby A, and that we were going to have a lot of important decisions to make. After she told us, and we're soaking it in, she asks, "Why aren't you freaking out?" I felt like a child being reprimanded for something I did wrong. And what did she want me to do? Scream and cry at her? What would that have done?

We left in such a fog, but we agreed to meet with a genetics counselor on Tuesday and maybe possibly have a CVS (chorionic villus sampling- extracting DNA from the placenta) done to see if there was something wrong with both babies.

One of the most important things she told us was the babies were monochorionic diamniotic, meaning the they were identical and in the same sac, but separated by a membrane (they pointed out a membrane, we couldn't really tell what it was, but they said it was there)- a huge factor in the health of our babies, and we had passed it... or so we thought it.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011
A CVS.... twice


So Tuesday we met with the genetic counselor, and she made it seem like the percentage was not that bad, which it really wasn't. Once we had gotten home that Friday, we had time to calm down and think and we realized that these numbers the doctor had thrown out at us were not that bad. We went through our family history, our own medical history, everything. We decided to go through with the CVS because we were afraid of what could happen to Baby A. At the time, we were made to believe that depending on the chromosomal abnormality, there could be potential harm to Baby A as a result of Baby B.

They gave me water to chug down so they could do an ultrasound to monitor the babies and see what they were doing with a CVS. This doctor was muh more courteous and calm about the whole situation. So they went in, but were having a hard time seeing the placenta, so I was told to empty my bladder, and they were going to have to go through my stomach. When I came back, and they began the ultrasound again, they could see the placenta! They had never heard of that before, so they didn't have to go through my stomach and they were successfully able to extract DNA. Now we just had to wait for the results, 2-4 weeks!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Crying in the Produce Department

That Tuesday, I was feeling pretty good, it had been a long couple of weeks, but I thought I'd make a nice dinner and try and relax. As I was walking through the produce department of our local grocery store, I see a number come up on my phone and I recognized it as one of the hospital numbers. When I picked up and they asked for me, I could tell the woman had a happy tone and I started shaking. She told me the results came back normal! I started crying right there at my cart. She asked if I wanted to know the sex, and I had not originally, because I didn't care at all, but I knew my husband wanted to know. I said, "Yes" and she told me we were having boys! I was so excited and emotionally crazy that I just kept crying. After I hung up I knew I wanted to tell my husband in a special way and I didn't know what to do, I didn't just want to tell him over the phone. Everyone was baking a two-tier cake and putting blue or pink frosting in the middle, but I wanted to do something different. But I also wanted to get to my car and cry in private. I ran to the Jell-o asile and grabbed some blue Jell-o, then ran over to get some whipped cream. I broke down in my car and the whole way home.

I didn't tell anyone! It was so hard because I knew everyone was waiting anxiously to hear something- our families, our friends, and our co-workers. I made the Jell-o and split it between 2 martini glasses. When my husband got home, my plan was to eat dinner, and then give him the glasses, but I couldn't stop smiling. I told him I had a surprise for him so I told him to get out of the kitchen, I squirted the whipped cream on the Jell-o and handed him a glass. He says, "I didn't know you liked blue Jell-o." I smiled and said, "This is in celebration of our two healthy boys." He just looked at me and said, "They're healthy?" And I said "Yes!" We took pictures of the martini glasses and texted it to our family(so no one found out before anyone else) with the caption, "Celebrating 2 Healthy Boys". After hours of phone calls, we texted it to our friends. It was a huge weight off our shoulders and we barely ate the dinner I had made.

But after our experience with that hospital and that doctor (she was not my regular doctor, but someone who worked in her practice) we decided to go to a multiples specialist and high risk doctor on the recommendation from a friend.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011
They Can't Find the Membrane


I loved my new doctor, she was sharp, to the point, no bull, but she knew what she was doing and didn't treat my like a child- exactly what I wanted. I was able to have a sonogram before every appointment, which was scheduled for every 2 weeks. But at this doctor, they had not been able to find the membrane. No one seemed bothered by it, the prime time to see it was the time of we have termed the "Horrible Appointment", but this doctor wanted to see it- she didn't want to rely on someone else, which I was glad about.

On this particular day, after my regular sonogram, she went in herself and looked with the technician for a membrane. There were times where they thought they saw something, but then it vanished. They scheduled me to see a specialist in the Labor and Delivery Unit  in 2 weeks. My babies might actually be Monochorionic Monoamniotic. My doctor explained that we would set up a plan that would put me in the hospital and on steroids around 26-28 weeks, and that she would not let me deliver past 32 weeks. I was due April 7th, but now I would be having them in mid-February. That old doctor flipped out about something that ended up not being an issue, but somehow missed something that could effect the rest of my pregnancy. Lovely.

We decided to only tell our parents about this until it was completely necessary to explain all the details to everyone. It was a hard decision to make because this was over the Thanksgiving holiday and everyone wanted to talk about the babies, and everyone was so thankful that everything was going so well, and everyone wanted to talk about baby showers, and "how come you haven't registered?", and "why haven't you worked on the nursery?" I wanted to cry and scream that everything was not ok, but it was our decision not to tell everyone until we had to.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Momos


The first place we went on the 29th was the NICU to talk to the director. He was very pleasant and optimistic. He gave us the statistics/ mortality rates of babies born at various weeks- twin, white boys being worst case scenario-ours! If the boys were born at 24 weeks, for example, there was only like a 15% chance of them surviving, where it would have been about 25% for girls (these are not exact numbers, I'm just going from memory). At around 28 weeks, the probability of survival went up significantly, and at 32 weeks, there was over a 95% chance of survival- although there would still be time spent in the NICU and monitoring done throughout their childhood and later. We were told the main things they look for in the NICU are body temperature and weight.

Then we saw the specialist for another sonogram.....


So the specialist could not find a membrane and we really did have decisions to make now. The hard part is that there is not a whole lot of information or advice to go off of. We were officially having "Momo's", our 1 in 30,000 set of identical twins.  And most momo's are girls! And why did they say there was a membrane before? Could it have ruptured during the CVS? Was there never a membrane? Was there still one and they just couldn't see it?

Then we met with our doctor to talk about a plan...

My doctor highly recommended doing steroids around 26 weeks and admission to the hospital at 28 weeks. There are many people online who seem to be admitted a lot earlier. Inpatient care significantly increases chances for survival, and some people go in at 25, 24, or even 23 weeks, but these twins also seem to make it to 32 weeks. Do they make it to 32 weeks because of inpatient care? Steroids? And why did they at one time see a membrane between our babies? It's hard knowing something could go wrong so quickly, but not really having too many ways to stop it. I would have gone in that second if I knew my babies would be fine, but that is not always the case.