Making Baby Food

I had the idea of making my own baby food for awhile. It just seemed pretty simple and I knew it was much healthier and cheaper than buying baby food. When I found out I was having twins, I knew I had to try! My pediatrician also recommended it, even with many of the preservatives taken out of store-bought baby food, nothing beats the nutrients of fresh fruits and veggies.

I saw on a Martha Stewart episode the author of Super Baby Food, Ruth Yaron. She suggested the old-fashioned stainless steel ice cube trays as to not worry about plastic being in the baby food. I also registered for this book, and it has many great tips and recipes. But then if you worry about the metallic, taste, you could get like the Tubberware kind with lids. Ice cube trays work great because it portions out the food in 1 oz. sections, and you can keep track of how much your baby(ies) are eating that way. 

http://www.amazon.com/Super-Baby-Food-Ruth-Yaron/dp/0965260313/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347649210&sr=8-1&keywords=super+baby+food

My aunt bought me The Best Homemade Baby Food on the Planet  by Karin Knight and Tina Ruggiero. I liked how this book described how you should really being making and storing the baby food. 

http://www.amazon.com/Best-Homemade-Baby-Food-Planet/dp/1592334237/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1347649289&sr=1-2&keywords=baby+food+book

Breaking it down into basic steps here it is:

I started with peaches. I tried cooking them first to peel the skins off, then dicing and mixing, but I found it easier to peel and dice, then cook. I use an immersion blender as opposed to a blender or food processor because it's less clean up. I add a tiny bit of water while it's cooking and when they're done, I pour it into the ice cube trays, cover with plastic wrap, and freeze. When the food is frozen, I label bags with the contents, and date, and 3 months later so I know when I need to use it up by. 

I did pears next, and it's the same process. I peel, cut, add water, cook 8-10 min, blend with mixer, pour and freeze. 

I've done bananas, this is the one I was told to definitely buy organic, as the skins are so porous, the bananas can hold pesticides. With a banana, I just mush it up and feed it to them without cooking or freezing. 

When you go to feed your baby(ies), I either pull the food out and let it thaw out ahead of time, or I pop it in the microwave. 

I'll try and keep you updated on other recipes I try!

Registering for Twins

I had the hardest time figuring out how to create a baby registry for twins. I researched like a maniac, trying to find different moms' opinions of various baby gear. Everyone has their own views and expectations of things, so it's hard to go by just one person. So here I am, adding my views on the things I registered for. I'm also going to create a list of things I personally, think are important/ unimportant. This will be another list I update as I go along, since we're really just in the beginning months of having our babies home. So this is just the start of it.

My main goals were finding things that were 1) time-saving since I have 2 and 2) easy to use to make things time-saving! I have seen other people I know with babies struggle with high chairs, car seats, and walkers. If it took too long or took the assistance of another person to make it work, I crossed it off my list!

Obvious Things You NEED Tons Of

- diapers/ wipes
- onesies
- burp cloths/ bibs
- bottles
- 2 car seats: I have the Chicco Keyfit 30, it's perfect for preemies because of the weight starts at 4 lbs. Our NICU actually took ours around to other parents because some of the other parents didn't have very good car seats. We also got extra bases for my husband's car so we don't have to worry about detaching the bases.



Must Haves for Twins

- 2 boppy pillows and boppy pillow covers: feeding both babies at once by yourself would be impossible otherwise, and you need extra covers for when the others are being washed

- Co-sleeper: Everyone is going to tell you that you are not supposed to let the twins sleep together, but everyone does it. The co-sleeper is great, it sits right up against the bed, both babies fit in it, and you don't have to get out of bed in the middle of the night. A lot of people complained about the sheets being too tight, just use a pack -n- play sheet and just make sure it's tucked under really well. The positivies definitely outweigh the one negative on this one.

- Rock-n-Play Sleepers: I have 2, both of my babies had reflux, it's normal in preemies, and because of the 'back to sleep' rule, it's becoming more frequent in all babies, this sleeper has been a huge help for their reflux, but I do have complaints about how hard the back of it is. I shoved a bunch of really fluffy blankets behind the cover of it to make it softer. With Nolan being born with a flatter head on one side, I have to be really careful about making it worse.

-2 swings: I saw so many people who said to only register for 1 swing because one baby may not like it. I'm sorry, but just register for 2. I have never known a baby to not like a swing (unless it was a baby who just didn't like being put down in general). My swings were a lifesaver when I first got home, and the boys continue to love them. We have the Fisher Price My Little Snug a Bunny Cradle N Swing.

- Pack-n-play with changing table option or a small changing table/ changing station: We have a changing table in the nursery, but we also have the S1 by Safety 1st Satellite Premier Playard for our living room. It has shelving on the side to hold diapers, wipes, etc.; it has a hamper attached; and it has proven a time saver when I have to change diapers during the day. I wouldn't like having to leave one baby alone (or having to spend the time to put him a swing, bouncy seat, etc.) to change the other one's diaper in the nursery. This could definitely be seen unnecessary to some people, but it's all about saving time to me, plus it will be handy when they are crawling around and I need to plop one in there really quick! ;) The complaints for this one were that there was not enough padding for sleeping (I'm not using it for them to sleep in, and are any of them really soft? I wouldn't want to sleep in any of them!); that the mobile was not attractive (oh well); that the changing table part was lopsided (it's VERY sturdy, which I was more concerned about than it being crooked, my baby does roll to the one side slightly, but he's in there less than a minute and I put him further to the other side so it doesn't happen!); and that the changing pad part isn't removable (but it's wipeable! put a blanket or something underneath of it if you want to wash something!). If you don't have space, I recommend at least keeping a travel changing pad or something nearby to use on the floor so you don't always have to leave the room.

- Strollers- Everyone needs more than one stroller in my opinion. You wouldn't want to take  jogging stroller to the mall or the store and you wouldn't take a small stroller around the block for a bumpy ride. With twins, you are not going to find a stroller that fits car seats other than the Babytrend Snap-n-Go double stroller. I've heard great things about this stroller, and I have it, but it does not fit the Chicco Keyfit 30 car seats like it says it does. I'm in the process of talking to the company about this, but from what I've heard from other people, they (the company) insist that they do fit. So far, I'm getting the same response. Here is the link the company says to watch:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khgDcaOHXOI.

      * OK, after some back-and-forth with the Babytrend people, who insisted that it did fit. She emailed        me the video from 2009, showing that the car seat did fit, then I sent her the one from 2012 proving that it didn't. She told me the guy sent her the video and then he realized he could get it to work- I don't know if this is true or not, this is coming from Babytrend. So anyway, I compared the videos over and over and the one point that I missed out on in the 1st video is that I ASSUMED the groove in the car seat is supposed to sit on the little ledge, of the stroller, but it does not. If you watch the video carefully, the groove is above the ledge an inch or 2.

    I also have the BOB Revolution SE Duallie as my jogging stroller. I LOVE it. It's easy to maneuver, folds easily, it's easy to strap the babies into, and they seem happy in it. People have complained about the weight (it's a double stroller, use your muscles, AND if you have twins- get used to it!). Baby Gizmo offers a great tutorial on how to use the stroller - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tET_Ncksjw.

   And then I have the Maclaren Twin Triumph stroller to use when I don't take them out in the car seats to go shopping. I've played around with it and am disappointed in how the straps work. I've had 4 members of my family try the straps and snaps that actually keep the baby in the seat, and it's very difficult. My fear is that I am in a parking lot by myself and I'm struggling trying to get my babies in and out of the stroller. We'll see. I like the size and how compact it gets when it folds, so I'm not giving up on it yet. I'll give an update on this once I actually take the babies out in it.
   *Update- I've been using the Maclaren for shopping and love how it maneuvers and fits everywhere. I can push it easily with one hand and the boys have room to move around. But I experienced my expected frustration yesterday in JoAnn Fabrics. Nolan was crying and I couldn't get him out of the damn thing! The buckle would just not snap open and I literally wanted to cut him out! STILL not going to give up though. I hope mine just maybe has a flaw.

* Update 5/29/14- Still using the Maclaren and the BOB and LOOOOOOOVE them, especially the BOB. My boys are around 30 lbs a piece and both strollers are in excellent condition. The BOB is especially great, obviously for running/ walking, but I was able to push it in the sand on the beach with umbrellas and all kinds of other stuff loaded on it!

Reading to My Babies Reminds Me of My Class

I have been reading to Nolan and Brooks more and more lately. My mom saved a ton of books from when I was little and I have started a new collection as well. I've always loved to read, and I hope to pass that love on to my children.

Most of the books are just "baby" books with sounds, colors, textures, and things like that. I had a Peter Rabbit one at Easter that played music and a colleague from school sent me a book about little league, which I read to them recently. But I've found myself using my "teacher voice" now that I'm reading books with more words: I use different voices, I give dramatic pauses, and I point to the pictures.

In doing this, I am thinking more and more about my class still at school and previous classes I've had. One of the greatest parts about being a teacher was to see the joy on a child's face when reading a story to them. No matter what the situation, whether a child was screaming, crying, fighting with another child; whether it was raining, snowing, or gorgeous outside; whether it was Christmas, Halloween, Easter, or Groundhog's Day, there was always a book for the occasion. If a child was crying and didn't want to be consoled, I could quietly get out a book, sit on the floor, and that child would be sitting in my lap 5 minutes later listening to me read.

I had a class that was 90% boys one year, and at Halloween I was reading a book about a little witch. On one of the pages, there was a description of a Halloween party that talked about cobwebs hanging from the ceiling, and a black cat on the stairs...... and a raven on a shelf. Being from Baltimore, and this particular day being purple Friday, I had a little boy (complete with spray painted purple hair to go with his jersey) say, "Hey! I don't see a Raven!" I was confused at first, and then had to hold back my laughter as I had to explain how the 'Baltimore Ravens' actually had to do with the name of a bird. That example of innocence and devotion to sports, and how he related it to a book thrilled me and makes me laugh to this day.

I also had a class that could listen to me read to them all day. I read the longest books to them, and I'd let them lay down on the floor and they just loved it. Snow White, Cinderella, The Lion King, everything. I had a boy one year who acted like he didn't care for me very much. But at Christmas, when I read The Grinch, and I let them all sit around me instead of in front of me, he sat smack up against me and at one point I felt his head on my shoulder. And now I'm so excited I can do it with my boys.

I want to go back and see my class. I'll take the boys with me, but I think I'll wait for the weather to get a little nicer and then hopefully the school will be more germ-less! I can't wait to see my old students. They were so excited for me to have babies. I had such supportive parents and co-workers, too. It made all my struggles that much better.

It's Been Awhile

I know I haven't update in awhile, I'm sorry! Life is very busy now!

The boys are doing fabulously. They continue to gain weight, Nolan is around 10 pounds and Brooks is close to 10. We are letting them sleep 6 hours through the night, and are feeding them every 3 and a half to 4 hours during the day.

We had their 2 month pediatrician visit, and everything has been going well since then. We switched them from Neosure formula, to regular Infant. They didn't respond well to that, so now they are on a Sensitive Stomach formula.

We are also doing assessments with some local programs to help with their development. We don't expect them to be "on track" as a full-term baby would be as far as milestones (sitting up, crawling, walking, etc.), but so far they seem to be doing pretty well. Both Nolan and Brooks are lifting their heads up with some control now!

I've decided to keep the blog going. Since the whole "momo" thing is really behind us now, I've decided to use the blog to keep track of what it is like raising twins. Having multiples is truly a different world than having one baby, and I'm going to use this to track my growing experience with this life, as well hopefully give tips to other parents out there.

Shane and I continually think of how lucky we are. We were just talking about it all last night again. I wonder sometimes how we got through the whole pregnancy. Shane said that he thinks he was deep down inside hoping they weren't momo's.

I, myself, am still in awe of how much love and support we received and continue to receive. People I haven't talked to in years have congratulated me and told me how much they were praying for me. With all the negative attention social media sites get- with the gossip, and the bullying, there are definitely some positive aspects as well. Shane and I were able to share our news and updates with everyone, and people were able to follow us and contact us easily. The outpouring of love from extended family, old friends, and even strangers with similar experiences amazes me. And it really makes you, as a parent, want to surround your children with people who always want the best for them.

And then here comes my negative comment: It also really makes you think of the people you need to weed out of your life. Some people surprised me. But there are people who paid no attention to what was going on during our pregnancy, people who only thought of themselves and petty arguments, and people who still don't seem to care. The miraculous event of these babies being brought into this world should trump all of that, and to some people it doesn't. And that shows me who needs to be in these children's lives, and who doesn't.

Ok, enough of that. After our 2 month doctor visit, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Shane and I have been able to resume normal aspects of our lives again that don't revolve around the babies. Shane has started his vegetable garden in the yard, and I have started my herb garden. We went out one night (for the first time in forever!), I have started working out again, I went shopping for non-baby items one night! (I bought new running shoes, exciting...) and we have been able to have a few days with no visitors, which is nice to have once in awhile. But, I certainly appreciate all the help. My mom comes over often and helps with the babies so I can get some cleaning and laundry done. My aunt makes us dinner once a week and brings it over to us. Shane's father and cousin helped him with his garden this past weekend so he can get it done quicker. Two of my aunts bought us some carryout food-type gift cards so we don't have to worry about cooking all the time. And I've had some friends bring us meals, too. (I love all you guys!)

So I'm going to add some posts on here about twin-type dilemas that I come across. I'll learn as I go!

Thinking

There was another article about our boys today. They are getting very popular!

This is just a boring blog about some things going through my head. Sorry...

During the day, I am in such "mommy mode" that I sort of forget all we went through the past few months. As much as I want to spread 'momo' information around, I don't want it to define our lives, especially not Nolan's and Brooks'. But every once in awhile, like when an article comes out,  or there's this balloon that a tech gave me in the high risk unit that is still floating around the house ( 2 months later), that I think back to every day of the pregnancy. What a stressful, miserable, emotional couple of months. But I look at the boys and know I wouldn't do anything differently. 

And then there are the wedding pictures around our house. I look at them and think, "Little did we know...", or "how stupid were we to think all of that stuff was important..." 

Here we are! Before babies! <3

Things I didn't expect: 

There are certain things that I sometimes still feel like I have to do. Most of all, run to the hospital when I wake up in the morning, or call the NICU at night. I feel naked once in awhile without the boys' hospital bracelets on (I think other NICU moms can relate to that). Then there are the things I cringe at the thought of- having the goo put on my stomach for an ultrasound or test, taking my temperature, or even certain commercials I remember hearing when I was having the NST's done! My hands are still so dry and sore from "scrubbing in" to the NICU, I know I still look exhausted from the hospital stay (I sleep better now than I have in months!), and there's a shampoo I can't use anymore because I always showered after my last test at 11pm, and the smell of it makes me tense up and feel stressed. Sometimes I even still feel like I have to save the boys' diapers to be weighed! 

Anyway, we had our wedding photographer take pictures of the boys last Thursday. I can't wait to see them! Easter is Sunday and I can't wait to get them all dressed up and dye Easter eggs, and all the other fun stuff. I had a baby shower last weekend and I'm having another one this weekend. It feels so good to get the nursery together and have a lot of things for the boys!


I couldn't be happier having 2 babies. Yes, I am busy, but I love it. They are such well-behaved babies, too! And yes, everyone says, "just wait...", but I can't wait. I can't wait for the chaos! To see them home, to see them crawling, to see them fighting over toys, to see them walking, eating, crying, all of it, is what I dreamed of when I was being monitored.

Surviving NICU Life as a Parent

The NICU is hard, and that's coming from someone who had it relatively easy in there. There's just no other way about it. The hospital my boys were in had a very nice NICU with a great staff of doctors and nurses. I'm not really sure how to organize my thoughts on everything regarding this experience, so I'm just going to list them as best I can.

OUR NICU EXPERIENCE

- our NICU was very upfront about things from the beginning (i.e. they rarely send babies home on monitors, tubes, etc.) and I was glad about that because it was one less thing I had to question and worry about

- they were very accommodating to parents' needs
    - there was a pump in every room for mom's, as well as a 'pumping room' if you wanted privacy/
       supplied a water and ice machine to keep mommies hydrated :)
    - they made notes on what parents liked to do for their babies- give baths, change diapers, feed, etc.
    - there were 'sleeping rooms' that you could 'hold' for a day to take naps, stay the night, or just go lay          
       down and relax in if you were staying at the hospital for a long amount of time. I used this once,
      when I stayed for a 12 hour shift
    - we were given a direct line to the NICU for updates, and the nurses were excellent in keeping with
       security precautions as far as making sure we were the parents of the children we were asking about
 
- there were a variety of resources to go to and staff welcomed questions
     - there was social worker who helped look into pediatricians and contacted us with discharge info
     - the doctors who were on staff would always come and see us to see if we had questions
     - nurses never dismissed our questions

TIPS

- ask questions, no matter how stupid you think they are; the more you understand, the more
  comfortable you are with what different numbers mean, what different tests are for, and what alarms
  are going off!
- dress in layers, I think this unit is typically kept very warm

MOST IMPORTANTLY
- put blinders and ear muffs on: don't peek in other rooms, don't try and listen to what is happening to
   other babies, focus on your baby(ies) or you will go crazy

Media

As many people know, Shane and I were in the paper yesterday and on the news last night and this morning. 

We had some errands to run today and we ran into a few people we knew who congratulated us on our great news. I also shared the news article to the 2 monoamniotic groups I joined on facebook, so that any moms searching for information can find the article. Hopefully it helps someone, especially if it's someone local. 

I had some reservations about doing anything related to the media at first. I wanted our privacy and I didn't want to exploit the boys. I feel very protective of them and don't want people gawking. At the same time, and Shane reminded me, we were so desperate for any information when we found out about this whole momo thing. If it is on record- through newspapers, tv, my blog, etc.; hopefully if a couple is out there searching for information, they will come across our story. I haven't heard of too many people in the Maryland/ Baltimore area with momo's. A girl from DC contacted me, and I actually know a woman who had twin momo boys 24 years ago. They didn't know much about membranes then, and didn't realize there was the possibility of not having a membrane until her boys came out with a knot in their cord.

I am very appreciative of people taking interest in our story. And I want to thank everyone who has contacted us for being so kind and respectful. :)

Life at Home

We are so in love with our boys.

It is the best feeling not to have to go to the hospital anymore. This past Saturday was pretty rainy out and I remember a day when it was dreary and raining awhile ago, and all I wanted to do was lay in bed with my family. Instead, we headed to the NICU. This past Saturday, we cuddled in bed with our babies while hearing the rain hit the windows. It was exactly what I had dreamt of my whole pregnancy- my family, together, safe at home. 

The boys are perfect. They are happy, they sleep wonderfully (except for occasional bits of reflux), and they continue to grow. 

We feed the boys every 3 hours. When we first had them home together, we (Shane and I) fed them together every feeding- each of us feeding one baby. After a few days, we were getting pretty tired. So we decided to feed them together mostly during the day. Then one of us getting up at 3 am and the other getting up at 6 am, then together again at 9 am. That way we each get about a 5 hour stretch of sleep. It seems to be working pretty well so far, we'll see what happens when Shane goes back to work!

The nursery is still a work in progress. Our flooring was backordered for a few weeks, but it finally came in. My mom, aunt, and sister had painted the nursery when I was in the hospital, and the furniture comes this Thursday. The boys are sleeping in our room right now, which works out fine. The dining room table has been transformed into a changing table/ clothing storage station. I decided to strip and stain an old dresser myself- my mom helped with sanding because I feel so weak after awhile. She keeps telling me it's from being so stationary in the hospital, which I know is true, it's just frustrating! 

The whole house is really still a work in progress. My family has helped so much- organizing my kitchen, going through things in the extra bedroom, and cleaning out stuff in the basement, PLUS stocking me up on baby supplies since I still haven't had a baby shower- but I will soon! :) And now I can get excited about it! 

Through it all, Shane and I still had time to celebrate our 11 year anniversary of dating last Sunday with a nice dinner at home. Cheesy yes, since we're married now, but we celebrated it for so long, it's hard not to! I've also had my hair done, bought some new clothes, and Shane's even had time to hang out with some friends a little bit. It's amazing how much more time we have to relax a little bit now!

I'll keep everyone updated on our sweet boys! Life at home is perfect so far! 

Brooks is Home!!

We've been busy, busy, busy!

Tuesday we took Nolan to the pediatrician= everything is great!

Shane went to the NICU on the way home from work and then I went later that night. The nurse said that they (the NICU team of nurses, neonatologists, pediatricians, etc.) think Brooks might be able to go home Monday. At first I was kind of sad about that, but I reminded myself that he needs to be in the NICU, and it's the best place for him to be. It was so sad leaving him again. The only thing that made it easier was that he was zonked out!

Wednesday morning we called and everything was going great. Nolan was doing great at home, he's such a good baby! My mom has been around every day continuing to help me get things ready, so we were very busy that day. The plan was for me to go to the NICU for his 2 pm care time and stay till around 4, and then Shane would make it to his 5 pm care time and I would go home to work on things at the house.

When I got to the hand washing stink inside the NICU, the speech pathologist approached me and told me she would like to see me one more time during his feeding to see how he was doing. Since he was probably going home on Monday, we planned to meet on Friday.

Then when I got to his room, the nurse told me that things had changed. After his cares, she was going to put him in his car seat for his test! I was so excited! She said the doctor thought he could go home on Friday!! I was thrilled.

Then, as I was feeding him, the doctor came by and said she wasn't too concerned about the small dips in heart rate, because they weren't that low and they were quick. AND that they'll see what happens for tomorrow (Thursday!). I didn't want to get too excited, so I still mentally prepared myself for Friday or even Monday. I ended up staying for his whole hour and a half car seat test and then I left to go home to Nolan and Shane came for his 5:00 feeding.

This morning, when we called to see how he was, the nurse reiterated that she heard discharge could be today! But they hadn't done rounds yet. I had a meeting with a home nurse today, but I couldn't wait to get over there. The social worker called me around 11:30-12 today and told me that discharge WAS going to be today! I called the NICU nurse a little while later to be sure. As soon as Shane could leave work, he came to pick me up and we went and got our little boy!

So far, everything is wonderful. I held both boys on my chest for the longest time. It is the best feeling in the world, having your family healthy, and in your home. <3

Sweet Nolan is Home!

I got a call from the hospital this morning around 9 am. I usually don't call until 9:30-10 because they change shifts at 7:30, and their care times aren't until 8 and 9, that way the new nurse can actually tell me how they are from her experience, not how the previous nurse told her they were. So anyway, I was waiting around to call and of course I freaked out for a split second when I saw the first few digits of what I knew was our hospital number. As soon as I picked up, the nurse told me everything was fine, but she wanted to know if we had left outfits there for their pictures to be taken. Immediately I knew Nolan might be going home soon because they don't do NICU baby pictures till their discharge day, but I wasn't sure. I told her we were coming in before their 11 and 12 care times.

So we got there and the photographer girl was there already taking their pictures. When the practitioners, doctors, nurses, and neonatologist came by for their rounds, the practitioner asked if we had heard Nolan was going home today. We said, "we heard it was rumored he was going home..."She responded, "He's being discharged today." Yea!!!!!!

So we spent part of the day there, just so we could be with Brooks for some of it. Then, after Nolan's 3:oo feeding, when he was happy and nice and full, we left. I think that after the pregnancy- wondering if the babies were alive everyday, this was the hardest part of the whole experience. It was heartbreaking leaving Brooks there alone. I felt terrible separating them. I know it's for the best, and Brooks still needs to be there, but he's always been with his brother. He's doing so well. I'm so afraid he's going to have setbacks because he's aware his brother's not there anymore. It was almost hard to be happy about taking Nolan home when I knew they wouldn't be together. It's going to be hard balancing being at home with Nolan, and still spending time with Brooks. I don't want him to think we've left him there forever by himself. Shane reminds me he won't remember this, and he is in the best place he can be right now, but it's still sad.

As we left, we took pictures with nurses and the practitioner. Everyone ran to be in the picture when they saw we were leaving. Everyone loves our boys!

So earlier today, the speech pathologist came back to see how Brooks was doing. He is still having bradys while he is eating. She told me she thinks we just have to be more patient with him, even though he is taking his own breaks, to maybe help him take his breaks longer and a little more often. She watched me again to see how I did. She complimented me because she said I really pick up on all his cues, when to break, how long to break, when to sit him up, and when he is ready to keep going. So, we'll see how he does. The practitioner said he is only a few days behind. Again, this is not a setback, he technically is further along than he should be anyway. They are 36 weeks gestation today, and 4 weeks old. :)

My Nolan is squirming close by. I can't believe he is here. I've been a mommy for 4 weeks and this is the first time I've felt like one. Shane said the same thing on the way home. Our prayers have been answered, we are so lucky. I just keep praying Brooks will be home soon.

AND.........

Friday I spent the day with the boys- from 8, to 6:30. Which is a loooong day in a hot, small hospital room. Being in that room for 2 hours puts everyone to sleep. To top it off, I had a terrible migraine, which I haven't had one that bad since before I was pregnant. I think I only had 2 while I was pregnant. Anyway, I loved spending the day with the boys. And they blocked off one of the rooms they give to parents for me. The room has a bed, chair, and nightstand in it- just so you can take naps or stay the night if you live far away.

The boys did wonderfully with all of their feedings and I gave them both baths all by myself (no one was watching over me). I don't think she had to watch over me because she took off all their leads, where the other nurses kept them on for their baths. My mom came and spent a good portion of the day with me so I wasn't by myself, which was nice :) AND when I went to lay down in between feedings, my mom would sit with them so they weren't alone.

I texted Shane pictures of the boys after their baths and he couldn't resist not being there, so he came on his lunch break to visit them.

Yesterday they both had great days. Brooks didn't have any bradys and Nolan had 1!

Today, when we got there the nurse told us that after Nolan's care time, she was going to do his car seat test!!! A car seat test is where they place a baby in their car seat for 90 minutes, attached to all their monitors, to see if they can make it without setting anything off for a long amount of time. I think someone told me 90 minutes is the minimum time they do, if you plan to take long trips anytime soon or you live far away, they do it longer.  If a baby doesn't pass the car seat test, they redo it in 24 hours. If a baby doesn't go home within 72 hours after their car seat test, they have to redo it. So when they do the car seat test, they pretty much think they are going home soon. AND to top it off, she said that Brooks will probably have his car seat test done tonight! According to the nurse practitioner, Brooks could be going home soon, too!! Deep in my heart I was hoping both boys would go home together, but I was preparing myself for them going home separately. I just hope that they aren't separated for long.

ANYWAY Nolan PASSED!!!!! He was so cute. He kept looking around, wondering what he was doing all strapped in. I was soooo proud of him.

The nurse said that because we gave Brooks his bath, we weren't going to do his car seat yet. It would have been too much for him. We had done Nolan's car seat test before his bath, just based off of their care times. So she said maybe the night nurse would do it. We have to leave the NICU at 6:30, so I called at 7:30 when they opened back up to see if she really was going to do it. She told me she was going to wait and see for a little while, just because he did have 3 bradys today (all low and self-resolving). I'm going to call back a little later and see what she plans to do. 

I can't believe we might have both our sweet angels home this week. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I really, really, hope they can come home close together!

Boys Are Doing Great

I'm sorry I haven't posted, we've been busy preparing for our babies to come home!

Nolan was taken off the gavage tube Friday night, and has been doing great ever since. It was like he needed a reminder that it was his job to eat for himself, and he did not want that tube in! So he began eating again.

They were both a week without caffeine on Monday. Monday, the neonatologist who was there when I delivered wanted their pulsox (pulse oximeter) put back on. They had taken them off on Monday, I think. It's a little band around their foot. The doctor said that they don't necessarily need them on anymore, because their numbers were always 99 or 100, but when they had bradys, it helped to have them on the pulsox to see if it effected the brady level. So, really not a setback.

Nolan and Brooks have been doing a wonderful job with their feedings. I am so proud of what big boys they are becoming. The speech pathologist has been checking in with them since last week. I met with her again yesterday so she could observe me actually feeding them with a bottle, to see if I had any questions and to make sure I knew how to watch their breathing. (Thank goodness for all that daycare experience with my mom!) She said they were doing so well, especially considering their gestational age! They are learning to take breaks while feeding on their own, meaning they know when they need to stop to take some breaths, which is big for babies only 35 weeks! Sometimes they need to be reminded, especially Nolan, but they really do pretty great on their own.

They keep telling us they'll be home soon, and that they'll give us "some" notice, but we just don't know when yet. One of the nurse practitioners told us yesterday that even though the number of bradys they've been having has gone down, they are still having enough to need to be there.

This hospital won't send babies home on machines anymore, which really, I'm kind of glad about. I would not want to have to rush back and put my babies back in the NICU because something happened at home. I know it still COULD happen, but I'd feel better with them coming home as healthy as can be.

Every nurse has been telling us discharge stuff. The biggest thing being to limit exposure of the babies, which I know will be hard because everyone wants to see them. Their immune systems are not strong enough yet, and we have to be careful about people touching them, and they told us to keep tons of antibacterial soap around.

They told us to bring their car seats in and receiving blankets, for the car seat test. So 1 car seat is there and ready to go. They told us to start collecting lots of the necessities- newborn diapers, newborn clothes (our big boy Nolan was never really in premie sizes!), burp cloths, blankets, wipes, all the fun stuff. They also had us sign the consent to have their hospital pictures taken, which they are taken on discharge day in the NICU.

Shane and I are trying to get things ready at home. It's exhausting trying to do things at home, and live at the NICU. I really think it will be easier once they are home. I'm getting tired of people saying "oh, it's only just beginning" when they ask how I am, and I say I'm tired. I know I'll be getting up all night long, I'm already doing that to pump. I know I will be busy all day, I already am. The biggest difference will be that I won't be sitting in a hospital 6 hours a day on top of everything else, or sitting in traffic to get to the hospital. And poor Shane can actually go directly home after work for the first time in months.



A Somewhat Bitter Side Note (which follows the above comment I get from people AND brings out my sarcastic side that I always get in trouble for, so I apologize):

When I was looking up a link for the pulsox, I found this little site about what not to say to premie parents:

http://www.inspire.com/groups/preemie/discussion/what-not-to-say-to-a-preemie-mom-parent/

I understand where a lot of women are coming from on here. There are some things people have said that I know I probably give them my "are you stupid?" look, but honestly, what's important are my babies and how well they are doing. I'm not going to let what ignorant people say bother me, I have more important things to worry about.

The other thing, I think, is that people don't realize you've heard the same things over and over. It doesn't bother you the first, second, or fiftieth time, but maybe the hundredth time, it really gets to you. In my case, it would be the "Why did you have to go to inpatient?" or "why did you have to deliver early?". I don't mind answering this to most people, but people I am close to- I've explained the situation, I've sent you research links in emails, I sent you a link to this blog, if you haven't been paying attention to those things, maybe you don't deserve an answer at this point- and believe me, I won't give you one.

Oh and the other funny one I get is, "...and you'll have 2 of them!"  Yes, thank you...I didn't notice.

:)

Feeding

Nolan was put back on the gavage tube yesterday. He was getting too tired throughout the night to continue his feedings, and they were worried he wasn't getting enough. It's fine, though. It could be a million times worse. They are just not ready, they are only 34 weeks!!

I called this morning to see how they were doing and Brooks is taking his bottle feedings so well. The nurse this morning even suggested he might be able to go back on a normal flow nipple. Nolan, apparently, has lost interest in bottle feeding. He's wide awake and gives the cues that he wants to, but then he plays around or is too busy looking around to suck. It feels like a flashback to the biophysical profiles!! Brooks (remember old A...) would always do everything and pass the profiles, Nolan (old B) could always do everything, just not on the days he was supposed to! We know he can suck, and he can eat a lot (he was drinking 50 ccs before), but now he's like, "nah, don't feel like it today". He was doing that to me yesterday, too. I was there with my mom and he was trying to lift his head up, looking all over the place, and wiggling everywhere.

I'm not going over there till a little later today. I am going to try and get some things ready at the house. I hate not being there. : /

More Progress

When I went to the hospital yesterday I was met with 2 EMPTY faces..... there were no tubes! They were trying the boys without the gavage (feeding) tubes. Key word: TRYING 

They had been bottle-feeding all morning, Brooks taking 35 ccs and Nolan taking 50. So we breastfed twice, and supplemented a little after for more calories. They both did pretty well, the breastfeeding just takes so much out of them, they get tired so quickly. But the nurses warned me that they are just trying this, it is likely that both of the boys may need the tube put back in if the nurses are worried they are not getting enough to eat. 

And they are off the caffeine! So that means they have a minimum of 7 days left!

Today I went back and both of the boys were still off the tubes. But Brooks' nurse told me that he is really gulping a lot, and not taking breaks while he is feeding, so he is having bradys. While I was there, a speech pathologist (they analyze how their mouths function and feed the babies themselves to see how they react) came to feed Brooks and see how he reacts to the feedings. She started off with a regular size nipple, but quickly realized he needs a smaller one. She switched, and he just seems to have a hard time coordinating still the breathing/ sucking/ swallowing. He gets so excited when he realizes he's drinking, that he just sucks and sucks, and forgets to breathe. So even you give him breaks from sucking, by just angling the bottle away, he gets worn out from all the "exercise"- which is the other main concern. If this continues to happen, he won't get the nutrients he needs to grow, and will eventually lose weight from burning calories through sucking. So it was the recommendation from the speech pathologist to put the gavage back in for the time being. :(  She'll come back later in the week to see how he is doing.

I understood the reasons, I was prepared for it. The worst part is just them putting it back in. And I know things could be so much worse, and I've been there before when they have pulled the tube out themselves, but I just hate being there when they put it back in. He cried so hard. 

So he will continue to get 30 ccs through the gavage tube, but we will continue to breast/ bottle feed him every 3 hours. That way he will still be getting around 45 ccs, but we won't have to worry about him not getting enough from exhausting himself.

Nolan's tube is still out, and he is still doing really well with his feedings.

Growth updates:  Nolan is 17 and 3/4 inches long, and is 4 pounds, 15.2 ounces. Brooks is 18 inches long and 4 pounds, 4 ounces! My growing boys! 

34 Weeks

My boys are 34 weeks gestation today!!

Brooks had his cannula taken out yesterday and is showing off without it, staying at 99 or 100 saturation. Nolan continues to do amazingly, he had only 1 brady yesterday, and I think they attributed it to reflux.

Today the brady alarm number was taken down to 80, so the amount of bradys they have will severely decrease. While I was there, Nolan didn't have any and Brooks only had 1 think, and it was while he was eating.

We were also there for the rounds today, where the neonatologist goes around and gets updates on all of the babies. The only thing keeping them from going home at this point is their inability to bottle/breast feed, which is exactly where they are expected to be. We keep on practicing though, and they are definitely getting better.

Nolan is 4 pounds, 13 ounces. Brooks hit the 4 pound mark yesterday and today is 4 pounds, 1 and a half ounces.

It continually gets hard to say goodbye at night. The only thing keeping me from staying longer is that my body starts shutting down around 7:30. My bones hurt, I feel sore in my abdomen, and I just feel exhausted. Again, I'm doing exactly what everyone told me not to do, but I can't help it.

I think I can start driving tomorrow. The only thing (and I say this now when I'm tired, we'll see in the morning when I'm wide awake) keeping me from going to the hospital early tomorrow is the fact that they started giving us discharge information today. I am in a mad rush now to try and get things ready around the house.

 It could still be a few weeks till they come home, but they are trying to prepare us: they told us to bring a car seat in, so that when they feel they are ready, they can do the car seat test (spending like an hour and a half in the car seat, hooked up to monitors to make sure their air ways are capable of making it home); they gave us lists and guides of how to care for premies at home; and told us we'll have papers to sign as the time gets closer.

I'm going to try and think of things to help parents prepare for a NICU experience. Luckily, ours has been non-eventful so far. The main thing I can think of is to ask questions and pay attention to what is going on. Shane and I know what every beep, bong, blink, and doorbell ring means- if we didn't, we'd probably go crazy.

I'm so happy our babies are doing well. I continue to pray for their growth, and I hope they can start feeding more often so they can come home!

I Think Nolan Wants OUT of The NICU

Our boys are doing so well, still. Everyone in the NICU loves them, and they are still considered "feeders and growers"= all they need to do is learn to eat and grow some more and they can come home. The feeding is going ok. We try breastfeeding once a day and a bottle once a day. The hardest part is the coordination of it all. Their brains don't know they need to breathe/ suck/ and swallow all at the same time. They are getting it, they have good days and bad days. Brooks was really doing well a few days ago (which is funny because he was Baby A in all the biophysical profiles, so he always did everything first anyway), and yesterday I was telling the nurse this. Well, Nolan must of heard because he did not want to be shown up by his brother and did fabulously yesterday. I even heard him gulp, so he was actually able to swallow. He has also pulled out his feeding tube 3 times in the past 2 days. The nurse said he probably feels like it's not supposed to be there. He's done! He pulled it out once when Shane was holding him and waved it in the air, very proud of himself.

Brooks weighs 3 lb. 14 oz. and Nolan is up to 4 lb. 11 oz., which is great weight gain.

They both continue to have bradycardias, but Nolan only has a few. Next week, when they are 34 weeks gestation, the heart rate limit drops to 80, right now it's set at 90. So the alarm goes off when their heart rate goes below that. Most of Nolan's are in the 80's, so next week, they won't count as bradys. Brooks' are in the 80's sometimes, but they have dropped to the 60's and a few in the 50's. But again, he recovers quickly on his own, and it is usually when he is doing something.

It is still getting harder and harder to leave. They know the sounds of our voices so well now, and I swear I think Nolan's lip quivers when we tell him goodnight. Brooks always opens his eyes and I can't leave when his eyes are open.

Shane and I are both exhausted. When we're home, I'm sleeping, eating, and pumping- definitely not getting the rest I was told to, but how can anyone? Shane has to go to work. I need to get the nursery ready, but I feel guilty not being at the NICU. At this point, I have to wait for a ride though, since I still have another week to go until I can drive. We are both delirious, half falling asleep at the NICU, trying to get in cars that aren't ours when we are leaving, and I feel like I can't form sentences properly when I'm talking. It's all worth it, I know you are given only what you can handle, and again, we are so incredibly lucky.

But my sweet Nolan wants to go home (and Brooks too) and I can't wait to tell them they can.

Day 9 Update

Both boys continue to make progress. They are both gaining weight and they have both had their food intake increased. Nolan is now on 40 ccs and Brooks is on 35.

Brooks is on a nasal cannula now. He is not getting oxygen, just air to help his brain remember to breathe, especially when he is eating/ pooping/ etc. The neonatologist expected this to happen to both of them, it is not a setback, just some help to reduce his bradys (bradycardias). Both boys continue to have a few bradys. Most of Nolan's are never "real"- his heart rate doesn't drop very far, and he recovers quickly on his own, or his wire is not hooked up properly. Brooks has a few more than Nolan, but again they don't drop very far and he recovers quickly on his own (neither one has never needed assistance to recover). Next week, when they are 34 weeks, the heart rate limit drops to 80, and most of their bradys won't count at all then. The nasal cannula isn't as uncomfortable as the CPAP, the tubes are much smaller and it is just a small puff of air vs. a continuous pressure of air. You can tell, because in his first pictures, his nose is so swollen and smushed from the pressure.

We are working on sucking- the nurses are working with a bottle when they seem to be searching, and we are trying breastfeeding when I am there. It's hard, because I keep being told to rest from my month-long stint in OB High Risk, but I want to help my babies grow so they can come home. It's hard not to stay in the NICU for 4+ hours when you have 2. We can only pick them up right now during their care times, as to not overstimulate them (one time I did have Brooks for a long time, and some of his vital signs started going out of whack), and you want to give them both equal time.

To add to my weirdness, I have developed what appears to be an allergic reaction to either the tape they used during the C-section, or the binder I used afterwards for support. I have a rash that started on my hip bones, and has wrapped around to my back and spread to my stomach. It itches like crazy. I went back to my doctor to make sure it wasn't effecting my incision, which it's not, but she can't believe how bad it looks. She called the maternity ward to see what they use on patients who react like this, and she referred to it as a "weird one"- something I think she has said to everyone on the phone she has ever talked to on my behalf.

Emotionally, Shane and I are doing pretty well. I thought for sure we would have both broken down at some point after all these months of stress and problems. I think we are both so grateful and thankful for how lucky we are at this point, we have put everything else behind us.

It was weird, because last night Shane didn't get to the NICU till a little later, because he had to work. The NICU closes from 6:30-7:30 for shift changes, and I think he got there around 5. So we thought we'd go get something to eat and come back. Normally, we just run up to the cafeteria or get something quick out, but last night we decided to eat somewhere and try to relax a little bit, but nothing fancy. So we're sitting at this big table, just the 2 of us, and I asked him if he felt like we were missing something. "I know we never physically had them anywhere with us other than when they were still inside me, but I feel wrong being here without them." I said. He said he felt the exact same way, and that he felt kind of stressed being there. I agreed, and we both tried to laugh it off. We were both anxious to get back to them.

It's hard not being able to say goodnight, but it's hard being there that late after being there all day. I can feel my body start to ache and we both become a little delirious. I hate being without them, and it's getting harder and harder to say goodbye to them now, which I thought would be the opposite. Every night we tell them how much we love them and to try and grow big and strong so they can come home with us. <3

Some Pictures

                     Brooks pulling his hat down!

Nolan and his Daddy

The boys together again

Past Few Days

I'm sorry I haven't posted. I've been exhausted and we have been busy in the NICU... exactly what they told me not to do!

The boys are doing so well. They are now off C-PAP, out from under the bilirubin lights, and their IVs were taken out! They are getting a dose of caffeine everyday for help, and they are both in cribs! The nurses started feeding them 37 ccs everyday now. I just can't believe how well they are doing. They are certainly our little miracles.

Nolan looks like a small baby, whereas Brooks looks more like a premie. That is the main difference between the 2 of them right now.

Personality-wise, Nolan is easy-going, calm, and lets the nurses do anything to him. He lets them change his outfits, anything, and he's fine. Brooks is stubborn, not fussy, but likes things the way he likes them. The nurses pull his little hat up, and he'll pull it back down over his eyes.

I'll post more pictures if we actually spend some time at home, I know I need to rest more, but I can't help it!

Our Boys Are Here!!!

Oh.... my...... gosh...... I don't even know where to begin.

PRE-OP

First of all, nothing went as planned on Monday as far as the operation, not that I really expected it to, but still. I was told I'd probably be monitored for about 2 hours beforehand, that that is standard procedure with a regular c-section. I woke up at 8:30, c-section was planned for 10:15, so I knew things were not going to be what I expected.

Pre-op stuff was fine, I didn't feel nervous, just anxious to get them out. Shane was so nervous, he kept pacing the room. I talked to the anesthesiologist and told him I wanted Zofran, so I wouldn't get sick. He told me he could also give me a different type of epidural, one that worked the same, but would just take longer to take effect, therefore taking away the sudden drop of blood pressure that often make women nauseous. Sounded good to me.

EPIDURAL  #1

I couldn't wait to get in the operating room, and even though I knew a lot of people would be in there, I was surprised by how many. I counted 12, I think, and that was just the people that were standing in front of me. The epidural was not as bad as I thought it would be, I have a high tolerance for needles, I guess (just not getting sick!). So, the anesthesiologist ask if my feet felt tingly and hot, I said yes, and was laid back for prep. The curtain went up, my stomach was covered, and my doctor poked my stomach with the knife and asked if I could still feel it. "Yes!" I'm sure I shouted. The anesthesiologist told her it would take a few more minutes, and what did he decide to talk to me about..... baseball.... and hockey. After a few more minutes, my doctor tried again. The anesthesiologist apologized and said he would have to try a different type of epidural. At this point, I didn't care, I wanted to get it over with. They had to take everything off me, get new "stuff" (sterilized stuff I guess), and I sat back up. Everyone was looking at me. I could only see people's eyes because of their masks, but I knew there were familiar people there with me. The practitioner that had been with me since the night I fell, and had repeatedly come in to help with the monitoring was holding me for the epidural. Shane wasn't allowed in yet. I felt like I was in that Twilight Zone episode where everyone had pig noses, but everyone had sympathetic eyes. One woman told me to hang in there- she was from the NICU, standing by one of the warming beds with blankets ready. 

EPIDURAL  #2

So they started another epidural, he had a hard time and kept injecting me in different areas. I could tell he was getting frustrated. He said that my spinal column was narrow, but he couldn't understand why the fluid wasn't going in (or something like that). Anyway, he got it in, they got me back down, all prepped up and after a few minutes, my doctor poked me again. Annnnnd I still felt it. He apologized, said they would give it a few minutes, and if it didn't work, they would have to knock me out. At this point, I didn't care. It was making me more and more nervous that it didn't seem to be working, and I just wanted to get it over with and have them out. The practitioner looked at me and laughed, "Did you really expect this to end easily?" 

THEY'RE  OUT

Another anesthesiologist came in and explained that he was going to give me something and to relax. I remember him patting my hand and saying, "goodnight". Then what felt like a few seconds later, I heard them saying, "Katie, Katie, take deep breaths" and "Your babies are fine."

AFTERWARDS

I was in and out for a little while. They kept reassuring me that the babies were fine. I saw Shane coming in and out. And then the woman who did my pre-op stuff was taking me to my room. Shane followed and then was able to tell me about our boys. He wasn't allowed in because I was under anesthesia, but he was allowed to follow them up to the NICU. I couldn't go see them till I had recovered further, and this broke my heart.

OUR BABIES

Shane had taken many pictures and he showed them to me in my "new" hospital room. Baby A (formally B) is Nolan Shane, born at 11:05 am, 17 inches long, 4 lb. 14 oz. Baby B (formally A) is Brooks Readmond, born at 11:06 am, 17 1/4 inches long, 3 lb. 15 oz. They both have blonde hair! I was shocked. They were both born breathing on their own and they even cried! Which we didn't expect at all.  Shane went up to see them often that day... I was supposed to sleep and drink. : (

Nolan

We met with doctors, nurses, the neonatologist, and various other people from the hospital throughout the day. 

Long story short, I wasn't able to go up until 11:30 that night. The one nurse suggested just relaxing through the night and going in the morning. My night nurse told me that if I wanted to go up, to eat dinner, take more pain medicine, put on my binder, and go up then because I would be most comfortable.  I couldn't stand not seeing them on their birth day, so I went up. It wasn't as scary as I thought. But again, I've had a lot of family members 

in the NICU, much worse off than our boys.

                                                                                                                       Brooks

The neonatologist told us to expect them to be jaundiced, explained that they may go on the respirator, but at the moment they are on a C-Pap breathing room air, they are getting fluids, but doing as well as they expected - good news to me! 

SINCE THEN

The boys haven't needed the respirator yet. They continue to breathe room air, but are on the C-Pap for extra support for pressure in their lungs. Their tests came back high for the red blood count, so they are under the bilirubin lights. Brooks is in an                                                      
 incubator to keep his temperature up, but Nolan is in a crib.                                       

Today, they upped their food intake. They were only given about 5cc (1 tsp) of formula a feeding, to see how their stomach would digest it. So today they were going to try and up it, they've done so well that they went from 5 cc, to 10, to 15! Which is about a tablespoon. They are fed through a feeding tube. But tonight they were given pacifiers and they are both able to suck!

 We were both able to hold Nolan yesterday afternoon. We are only allowed to hold them during their care time, as to not over-disturb them. Last night I was able to hold Brooks. I was overwhelmed by what that 1 pound weight difference made. It broke my heart to see him with all the wires and tubes on him. It hurt to see Nolan like that, but I think with Brooks- he just seems so much smaller and more delicate it really overwhelmed me. 

THE 32 WEEK DEBATE

I am so thankful I listened to my doctor. The cords were a mess. I saw the cords everyday and we monitored their heart rates 3 times a day. There was no "obvious" cord entanglement, just "twisting" and NO heart decelerations. Everything appeared to be going so well. Everyone said we were so lucky to take them out when we did. I know that it seemed I could keep going, and I know this is a big debate with this situation. My husband and I did not feel it was worth the risk of losing one of our babies everyday to keep them out of the NICU. 

The cords were so bad that 2 doctors had to get them out at the same time, as to not risk pulling one out and harming the other from tightening the cords. 

There was also no twin to twin transfusion. The placenta was sent away to a lab to be analyzed. It seemed that when the cords were implanted, A's/ Nolan's (old B's) was stuck to a thicker part of the placenta, whereas B's/ Brooks' (old A's) was attached to a smaller part, causing a small cord to form.

THANK YOU

Anyway, I am so incredibly thankful for all the thoughts and prayers. I know we have a long road ahead, and not every day will be as wonderful as these have been. But I cannot thank all of you enough for everything you have done for us. It makes me cry just to see the support and love so many people have for us and our babies. I know they are doing so well because of the power of these prayers. 

I'm going to try and keep everyone updated. It's been hard, I'm very tired and busy trying to get better. But you all deserve to be updated. 

Thank you and we love you all!

It's a Matter of Hours...

I'm posting now, before my last monitoring of the evening, in case I don't get a chance afterwards.

The monitoring has gone really well today, the boys stayed pretty still, I had to hold A down, but they stayed on the monitor. The nurse said they knew they were being evicted, so they were trying to be on their best behavior.

The dopplers also went really well.

I didn't get much sleep last night because I couldn't get comfortable. If I laid one way, I could feel A in my ribs, the other way, B was on my bladder, if I was too much on either side, I felt like my lungs were constricted and I couldn't breathe.

Shane seems really nervous. He's pacing and fidgeting. I'm nervous about how the boys are going to be. I had to answer questions and sign more forms for the C-section tomorrow, but that part of it isn't even really in my brain. I just want to get it over with and see how they are.

I know tomorrow I am going to be an emotional wreck. All these months of trying to keep myself together with all the stress and worry of it all, I think it's just going to all come out tomorrow.

I don't know what else to say, I'm trying to keep myself calm and distracted.

My cell phone is dead, and I won't have my new one till Tuesday, so I know some of my friends who read this regularly, who might try and contact me... I'm sorry I haven't responded.

Again, I can't believe how lucky I am that everything has gone this well so far.

2 Days... and Our Last Day as a Family of Two!

They let me sleep in today! I woke up at 8:30 and was pleasantly surprised that the transporter hadn't come for me at 8. They came for me around 9:30, so I just got to lay around and relax for awhile. Everything was fine with the dopplers. No absence or reversal of flow, so just one more day of good news and we will have made it through!

The heart rate strips (or I guess they are technically NST's now) were fine in that they were reactive, but A was difficult to get on again. So I guess I stayed on for about an hour and a half, and the nurse had to hold him on for about half the time. We had to have someone come in with the sono, too. I think B is just too big and doesn't have as much room to move around.

I know some people are questioning why not go past 32 weeks if everything is fine. Statistically, 32 weeks is good for twins in this situation. Yes, they will have to stay in the NICU. But every day of this pregnancy has been so dangerous that I agree with my group of doctors that going past 32 weeks is just too risky to keep them out of the NICU for a few days/weeks. Just because I am monitored so often does not mean that something awful cannot happen the minute I get off them. I have heard/ seen so many stories about decelerations and cord entanglement after 32 weeks, and then women have to be rushed into surgery to save babies. And yes, I've heard stories too, where women have made it to 36 weeks and beyond. My husband and I personally do not want to take that risk. I have had 4 steroid injections and have been in the hands of fabulous doctors who have seen this before (although not very many). I'm praying for the best for my babies. Each case of this is so personal to each person, not every momo pregnancy is the same. While there are babies born at 23 weeks and are able to thrive, there are babies born at 39 weeks who don't make it. Shane and I are so scared and nervous, but we are trusting our doctors and we have confidence in our boys to be strong.

Again, thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. I cannot thank all of you enough for being there for us.

3 Days Left

I woke up stressed, just thinking about the strips. I had to sleep sitting up because of the acid reflux. The dopplers went well, and they both passed their biophysical! The doctors and techs over there are all really excited for Monday. It was hard finding B's cord because he flipped over and was facing my back, so they had a hard time finding his insertion point in his belly button. That's how they find whose cord is whose. A's is a little smaller in width, but they still like to make sure by going from the belly button and moving outwards.

The first set of strips went fine. I had a labor and delivery nurse today, one who I don't see too often, but she's pretty patient in just letting the boys settle down on their own.

I took another long nap, thanks to the Prilosec, which after my second dose must have really kicked in.

The 2nd set of strips went well, too. I also decided to ask this nurse about what's going to happen on Monday, since she works in Labor & Delivery. She really calmed my nerves. She went through everything in detail, told me who would be there, what to expect, how I'll feel, where the babies will go, what will happen after, etc.

Tonight I had another really patient nurse, my usual weekend night nurse. It's amazing how much more pleasant the strips go when the nurses are patient. Of course, they saw lots of irritation in my uterus and contractions, so I had to keep drinking and going to the bathroom. But, it's before 11pm and I can take a shower and go to bed!

2 more full days in this room, 6 monitoring session left (plus one 2 hour one before the c-section), 3 days till I see our babies, and about a week till I can go home (probably going to be the hardest day ever)!

4 Days Left

Today was awful, for me.

The dopplers were good again (yea!) and all the heart rate strips went well.....

Except for the fact that A is a crazy man lately. You would think that since they are (hopefully) getting bigger, that they wouldn't have as much room to move around.

 The dopplers are a little hard to do because there are always body parts in the way, whereas before they would have these long strips of cord they could use, but that's not a big deal.

The nurse today had a different midwife come in to find them on the sonogram. This one was much more patient about the whole process. B was easy, A was moving all over the place and we finally found him way down on my hip. He was on a few minutes when she had to come back in and he had moved to my side.... killing my ribs. Because he was so high up, I had acid reflux soooooo bad I thought I was going to be sick. They also had to have me lay flat so they could pick him up. I could feel the acid coming up my throat, so I was not drinking. Me +not drinking = contractions. So they made me gulp down my water, which made the acid reflux worse. I took TUM after TUM after TUM. I thought I would just have to roll my head to the side to get sick because I knew I wouldn't be able to get up I was strapped so tight.

It eventually ended, and I didn't get sick, but I took a nap right away. My body ached from being strapped so long (I think it took about 2 hours altogether). I couldn't eat anything, which I felt terrible about because I know the boys need to eat, I just didn't think I'd be able to keep it down. When I woke up around 3:30, the nurse told me they'd put an order in for Prilosec for the acid reflux.

When the tech came in to do my vitals, my pulse was high. Someone apparently wanted to send me to Labor & Delivery, but luckily my nurse knew I was stressed, she had me drink more water and breathe, she talked to me about other things, and she took it by hand- she claims it went down. I don't know if I believe her, but I don't care, because I knew she knew how stressed and dehydrated I was.

 I finally got up around 5:30 and then they put me back on for the afternoon strips. What time did they end? 9:30..... It took another good hour to get A on again, he started up by ribs, moved down to my hip, then eventually stayed on my side for a little while, around 7:30. When the night nurse came in, I told her I would just continue on for the next 2 hours. I don't think I could have just gone off them for an hour just to get back on and suffer for another 3 or so hours to find them again. She did have to readjust A, he moved more to the middle of my stomach, and she tied the straps so tight that I still have marks on my stomach 3 hours later from them, but he stayed on.

Hopefully the next few days are a little easier.

5 Days Left

Dopplers went well today. No punching or anything crazy, just lots of movement, which is good.

This morning's monitoring was ok. The nurse just had the sonogram tech come in and see where they were, but it still took about half an hour to get them on. Again, not that they couldn't find the heartbeats, they could, we just couldn't get them at an angle the monitor would pick them up. I took another nap after that. Then the afternoon one went the same way. A flipped over (I asked the practitioner if he did and she said, "I'm not really sure..."-grrrrr) It took another half an hour to get them on. I was kind of getting irritated because the practitioner/midwife didn't like that their numbers were so close, and I kept telling her that that is how they are AND clearly we were picking up 2 different babies since she was using the sono also. She completely ignored me. I'm sorry, I've only been sitting on this thing for 4 hours a day for the past 24 days (and some days before that), I think I know what their heart rates look like. She had never been in here before, AND she didn't understand why I had to be on it for an hour..... look at my chart! She is the first person I met here who didn't seem to understand the situation. She had a medical student following her around, and she knew more about it then she did! The medical student also asked if she could use me for her case study for school, which I don't mind.

We'll see how tonight goes....

6 Days

Today was pretty rough, but we made it another day!

They BOTH passed their biophysical today! B had hiccups (which count) and A breathed. No one beat up the other one, either, which was nice. Dopplers were good, and the morning strips went fine.

This afternoon, the strips took 2 hours! The nurse couldn't find A, but then we got B on, then we got A on, then B came off, etc., etc. Then when we had both of them on, their heart rates were so close that it seemed like the same baby, they were even getting elevated at the same time. So she had the practitioner come in for a sonogram. I was freaking out. I thought there was only one baby left. I knew I had felt them both earlier in the day, but I was so scared. The practitioner was able to find both babies, and apparently, they just had the same heart rate. She said they can mimic each other (a sign of things to come...?) Eventually they separated, but it took over an hour to find them, and she only made me stay on for 45 minutes or maybe even less because I was having them done again in 2 hours anyway.

I had called Shane, trying to stay calm, and asked him for a milkshake. I guess that helped for tonight. They were both very wild, kicking and bumping me all over, but they stayed on the monitor. A came off for about the last 10 minutes like, "I'm sick of this, see ya!"

I'm curious to see if they ever have any fears about being restricted or beeping noises from all this monitoring. Poor babies.

My Babies Beat Me Up Tonight.... but I Love It

This afternoon's monitoring went well, my mom got me a milkshake, I swear it works for them!

Tonight's monitoring went well also... another milkshake, BUT they had a full-out wrestling match inside of me! As soon as I lay down for the monitoring, it's like they go crazy because they are so sick of being poked and prodded. A was so far up in my rib cage that I could feel his little butt popping out. B moved up a little bit, but they were just like fighting for different positions almost. It hurt so bad, especially with the resistance from the straps on me. The kicking and bumping was so loud that the nurses could hear them out in the hallway.

I still feel great otherwise. I've bitten my lips raw, because I get so nervous before the dopplers, I just bite and bite. My one eyelid is swollen because I rub my eyes so much. I have heartburn, usually at night during the 2 hour strips, but those are really my only complaints.... so I shouldn't complain.

All the nurses and techs are excited I've made it this far. I feel myself getting more and more excited, and planning things for their nursery that I didn't let myself think about before.

I had a dear friend bring Shane and I dinner tonight, so it was one less trip he had to make. One of the techs brought me 2 angel pins for the boys, in hopes that they will behave for the strips. :)

I'm still hoping and praying that everything continues to go well this week, so that I can make it till Monday.

A Week Away....

This time next week I will have my boys!

I'm excited, scared, nervous, anxious, and every other emotion you can imagine. I try not to let myself get too excited still, because I know something can happen any day. But I look at all the days I've crossed off, and I look back to when I still had 28 days to go, and I see 7 now, and can't believe it. 

I'm still exhausted. I've been taking 3 hour naps every day. I fall asleep at the drop of a hat now (like during the Superbowl last night.......what is that???!!! I just missed the halftime show though!) . I know Shane is exhausted with all the running around he does. And I know he is worried as much as I am. He laid around all day yesterday and was still here when I got back from the dopplers this morning, which usually he is already at work. 

Milkshakes seem to put the boys in somewhat of a food coma at night, they are still reactive on the strips, but not crazy jumping around. So, I've become extremely dependent on those around 8pm. 

The dopplers looked good again today, A had one high s/d number, but there was no absence or reversal of flow. The strips were somewhat miserable. Before I left the dopplers, the boys were punching each other in the face! Even the doctor was like, "Oh my! Maybe they're boxers!" When I got back for the heart rate strips, they were all over the place. They had moved around a little bit yesterday, A was always lower, but now B is. A is way up in my rib cage. The morning strips are only for an hour, but I think I laid there for an hour and a half, because we had to keep chasing them around. I had to lay slightly tilted on my left to get A on, but B didn't like that, so we had to stuff a pillow under my belly on my left side to get B to cooperate, and I had a long pillow on my right to keep me propped up at that angle. They still continued to push each other around. 

We'll see how the rest of the day goes...

I've Made it to the Single Digits!

Yesterday started my single digit countdown. Today I am 31 weeks gestation and 8 days away from my C-section!

 I find myself getting more and more excited that this time next week I will be a day away from seeing our boys. But I catch myself because I feel like next Monday will be the beginning of the next challenge- the NICU. I am so excited to finally see these boys, that I haven't even thought about the operation itself. Different people have asked me if I'm ready for the C-section, and I'm like, "sure, whatever" because I haven't thought about it AT ALL. I know I'm being opened up, and I know I will have to recuperate, but all I can think about are how these boys are going to be. I just can't believe I've made it this far. I'm so happy about that.

Everything seems to be going so well with the boys. My dopplers this weekend were wonderful. The s/d numbers were great and there was no absence or reversal of flow in the cords, like usual, but yea! It's amazing how things can change from day to day. The monitoring has been going pretty well. They are definitely reactive, it just gets hard to keep them on. Thursday and Friday days, for both of the morning and afternoon monitorings, B was moving and kicking like crazy. The nurse had to keep coming in to find him, or call the sonogram tech in to find him. For my 1 hour one this morning I had to hold B on at an angle and the nurse had to hold A on. They were rolling and kicking, but not moving to the point that we had to rearrange the monitors. And the past 2 nights have gone really well, too.

I feel great, it's just hard to fall asleep at night because my mind is racing. I'm worried, scared, excited, and thinking about all the things that still need to get done. The nursery is painted, Shane ripped up the carpet to put new floor down in there, my mom feeds our cats when we're not there, and she's rearranged some of our moving boxes so the house isn't such a disaster when we get back. She had to put one of my cats to sleep on Friday, which broke my heart. It wasn't a big surprise, because she wasn't doing well, but still sad. I'm glad my mom could be there with her.

So, 8 days. The days seem to be running together. The past 2 weeks really flew by, the first one was the only one that dragged because I think I was trying to get used to everything I had to do, and then my grandfather... but I'm sure this week will drag just because I am getting so anxious. We'll see!

More Tips & My Schedule

More tips for moms who are becoming inpatient:

- Order extra food, drinks, snacks, whatever from "room service"

- Paper plates; napkins; plastic forks, knives, and spoons- this hospital has a microwave in their "refreshment room" where they have an ice machine, coffee maker, and things like that for visitors. People have made me food and if I have it reheated or order extra snacks from the cafeteria, I need something to eat it with!

- Some people had mentioned in their blogs about bringing sponge crates or extra things for their bed, which I didn't bother with, even though we have them at home. But the nurse told me the other day that they had ordered me an air mattress for my bed, and I took her up on the offer to put it on. Even though I'm not on bedrest, the amount of time I spend being monitored and sitting in certain positions, has really altered the shape of the mattress and my back was KILLING me. Last night was my first night on the air mattress, and while it's harder to move around on, it really helps.


My Schedule of Monitoring:

7:30- Wake up, breakfast, tech comes in and does blood pressure and temperature check

Around 8- a sonogram tech from the Prenatal Diagnostic Center in the hospital comes for me with a wheelchair to have dopplers done EVERYDAY, on Tuesdays and Friday she will also do the biophysical profile, and every 2 weeks on a Tuesday, a growth scan; on the weekends a transporter comes for me and takes me to radiology for the dopplers and they call the diagnostic lab doctor to confirm results

When I Come Back (anywhere between 9 to 10, depending on the day)- fetal heart rate strips for 1 hour in my room

Every single day I have had my doctor come in and talk to me about how things are going and how I am feeling; on the weekends, the on-call doctor from my doctor's practice will come in

3:30/4:00- fetal heart rate strips again for 1 hour in my room

8:30/9:00 (depending on the nurse)- 2 hour fetal heart rate strips

Around 11 pm- tech comes in and check blood pressure and temperature

My Doctor is Going on Vacation!

I don't know if I mentioned before or not, but my doctor is going away and won't be back until the 12th. Today she came by to see if I had any more questions for her and she reassured me that anyone at this hospital can do the c-section and she has lists of specific orders as to what to do if something were to happen before the 13th. This just adds to my nervousness because I trust her and she is so confidant with this situation. She acts like it'll happen on the 13th, and nothing will happen before then.

She also told me she put in all the orders for what I'll be receiving next weekend. We are doing another round of steroids on Friday the 10th and Saturday the 11th. Sunday night I'll get an IV and prepare for Monday morning.

AND every nurse this week has come in and told me that when the babies are in the NICU, I need to rest. They know I'm going to come every day, and I can't imagine leaving them, but they told me I need to rest myself (not from the c-section necessarily) but from my hospital stay. I pictured myself at their bedside all day everyday, but I want to be at my best when they come home. I have to take a lesson from my former preschool teacher-self and LISTEN.... : /

So, I'm hoping it'll definitely be the 13th, but if something happens before then, I hope we catch it and everyone follows her orders. What is to be, will be, I can't control it, I think I've accepted that, not knowing is just making me a mess.

The Glad Game

I was re-reading my last post and realized how depressing it was and how selfish it sounded. I was going to post on Sunday (30 weeks!!!!) but as usual, I've been busy. I had a sad day Saturday, I guess. I was getting angry watching these people leave the hospital with their babies like it wasn't a big deal and irritated with people who keep complaining about the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.

 But the truth is, I thank God every night that I made it another day, the past couple of days I notice I even do it every hour or so. I feel so bad for complaining about being here and worrying about my babies when I see women on these momo sites wishing they had made it this far, wishing they could be at home with their other children, praying for the survival of their one remaining momo, or the worst- wishing they still had both of their babies. As my aunt said, who had my cousin at 23 weeks, "I would have hung by my feet if it meant I could get to 30 weeks".

So, growing up, my grandfather who recently passed away, would tell me whenever I was upset about something, to play "The Glad Game"- yes, the one from Pollyanna. Monday night I had to lay on my back for almost 4 hours for the heart rate strips because they thought one of the babies had a deceleration in heart rate. It was so painful, but I was afraid to move in fear that one of the boys would come off the monitor and I'd have to do it longer. I was frustrated, exhausted, irritable and a mess. And in all its cheesiness, I made myself play the Glad Game. I was glad I wasn't on bedrest, like so many of the women in the high risk unit are; I was glad my babies were still alive; I was glad I was 30 weeks; I was glad my husband was staying with me; and I was glad I didn't have any children at home- on Sunday night a child of the woman in the room next to mine cried desperately as she was leaving, "I want Mommy to come home", it was the most heartbreaking thing. And as irritated I was at the doctors and nurses that night, because they just came in and took me off the monitors like it was nothing to lay there that long at such an awkward angle; I was glad the next day when I had some sleep that they were being cautious of the situation. (My doctor was supposedly not happy about the whole thing).

It is getting more and more painful to get in these positions for the heart rate strips, and to move period. But I will continue to do what I have to do. I'm 30 weeks and 3 days today..... and I made it to February! B failed the biophysical profile again yesterday because he wouldn't breathe, but he breathed the entire time I was having the dopplers done today (everyone thinks B is going to take after me). A weighs 2lb 15oz. and B weighs 3lb 13oz. Last night they said I was having more contractions, but I didn't feel them, BUT my whole body hurt like crazy anyway, so who knows.

I'm still getting more and more nervous each day. I signed the consent forms for the C-section yesterday, so that made the whole situation really REAL. I've had tons of visitors everyday and my husband continues to be wonderful.

Nervous

Baby Updates- A's s/d ratio was normal yesterday. The number has to do with pressure in the umbilical cord, I'm not sure what it stands for, I know that it can determine low birth weight and things like that. Today, it was high again. They are going to keep an eye on it, and since there is no absence of flow or reversal of flow within the umbilical cords, and the heart rate strips are still going well, they are not going to do anything about it YET.

Thursday night was somewhat of a nightmare for me. The heart rate strips took 4 hours. 4 hours of no tracing on the strips. We could hear the babies' heart beats, but the monitors were not picking it up. A was doing somersaults. It made me so nervous for the dopplers on Friday morning, I thought for sure that the cords would be a tangled mess, but they didn't appear to be. The strips have gone well ever since then. The babies are active and I feel fine (other than the heartburn and getting kicked in the ribs by 4 legs).

Some Personal Updates- Today would have been my baby shower, which kind of made me sad. Not sad, because things are going well. But I got a little upset when I realized it because I remember thinking back to the very beginning of the pregnancy when I was happy and getting excited for all the fun things to come. It's so frivolous in the whole grand scheme of things: the shower, and preparing the nursery, and getting excited about sonograms; but, they are all things I looked forward to when imagining myself pregnant. Now all I want are my babies. Today would have also been my husband's grandmother's birthday. We had planned to name each boy (middle name) after her and after my grandmother that passed away, but now I keep trying to think of ways to use my grandfather's name in there also, or instead of my grandmother's- and save hers for another. I watched the funeral video Shane made for me today, too. It didn't bring much closure, but I'm glad I got to see it. Shane also went home to do laundry today and my mom, aunt, and sister were painting the nursery for me. Shane called me and we did that facetime thing so I could see how it was going and how it looked- it's a pretty light blue! The first nursery we painted at our old house we did green, so it's funny how I changed my mind.

I'm beginning to realize, and this seems stupid, that I need to mentally prepare myself for going in for a c-section at any moment. I had a crazy pregnancy dream on Thursday when I took a nap that my doctor didn't like A's s/d ratio and made me walk up 4 flights of stairs to register for my operation, only to find the 5th floor of the hospital was a Babies'R'Us. I knew things could get more complicated as I went along, but I was always hoping to go to 32 weeks. Things have been going so well, I just keep hoping I can make it another day. Tomorrow I'll be 30 weeks.

And another side note- it's a little cruel how this hospital's high risk unit is near the labor and delivery main entrance, because all day I watch people leave with their babies. And all I do is hope and pray that that will be me in a few weeks- smiling, happy, with our little boys tucked in nice and safe and Shane driving out of here at 5mph.