Nervous

Baby Updates- A's s/d ratio was normal yesterday. The number has to do with pressure in the umbilical cord, I'm not sure what it stands for, I know that it can determine low birth weight and things like that. Today, it was high again. They are going to keep an eye on it, and since there is no absence of flow or reversal of flow within the umbilical cords, and the heart rate strips are still going well, they are not going to do anything about it YET.

Thursday night was somewhat of a nightmare for me. The heart rate strips took 4 hours. 4 hours of no tracing on the strips. We could hear the babies' heart beats, but the monitors were not picking it up. A was doing somersaults. It made me so nervous for the dopplers on Friday morning, I thought for sure that the cords would be a tangled mess, but they didn't appear to be. The strips have gone well ever since then. The babies are active and I feel fine (other than the heartburn and getting kicked in the ribs by 4 legs).

Some Personal Updates- Today would have been my baby shower, which kind of made me sad. Not sad, because things are going well. But I got a little upset when I realized it because I remember thinking back to the very beginning of the pregnancy when I was happy and getting excited for all the fun things to come. It's so frivolous in the whole grand scheme of things: the shower, and preparing the nursery, and getting excited about sonograms; but, they are all things I looked forward to when imagining myself pregnant. Now all I want are my babies. Today would have also been my husband's grandmother's birthday. We had planned to name each boy (middle name) after her and after my grandmother that passed away, but now I keep trying to think of ways to use my grandfather's name in there also, or instead of my grandmother's- and save hers for another. I watched the funeral video Shane made for me today, too. It didn't bring much closure, but I'm glad I got to see it. Shane also went home to do laundry today and my mom, aunt, and sister were painting the nursery for me. Shane called me and we did that facetime thing so I could see how it was going and how it looked- it's a pretty light blue! The first nursery we painted at our old house we did green, so it's funny how I changed my mind.

I'm beginning to realize, and this seems stupid, that I need to mentally prepare myself for going in for a c-section at any moment. I had a crazy pregnancy dream on Thursday when I took a nap that my doctor didn't like A's s/d ratio and made me walk up 4 flights of stairs to register for my operation, only to find the 5th floor of the hospital was a Babies'R'Us. I knew things could get more complicated as I went along, but I was always hoping to go to 32 weeks. Things have been going so well, I just keep hoping I can make it another day. Tomorrow I'll be 30 weeks.

And another side note- it's a little cruel how this hospital's high risk unit is near the labor and delivery main entrance, because all day I watch people leave with their babies. And all I do is hope and pray that that will be me in a few weeks- smiling, happy, with our little boys tucked in nice and safe and Shane driving out of here at 5mph.